I mean, I thought I was straight till I met her. I finally realized.. I'm finally out of that darn closet.
I just feel like you are actually a human puppy and I feel the need to protect you from the sharp edges of the world.
I'm a musician, so I like to think of interpersonal relationships in terms of frequencies. Each person has their own unique frequency, and no matter how much that frequency can be masked by external factors, that frequency will never change because it is the very essence of who you are.
Dissonance is caused when frequencies clash. A pair of dissonant people, no matter how attracted they are to each other's superficial qualities, will always fall apart.
Consonance is caused when frequencies are similar and compatible. Consonant people can be great friends, and they definitely add to each other's lives. If they find each other attractive they might date, and have a pleasant relationship.
Resonance is by far the rarest of the three, and is caused when frequencies match. By its very nature, resonance can't add to a person, neither can it diminish- it can only amplify. Resonant people somehow feel more like themselves when they're together, and it can be both liberating and infuriating. When people are truly resonant, they have a bond that runs remarkably deep, because it is one of profound understanding. There will always be something that draws them together when they allow it to happen.
The resonant people in our lives are our soulmates. We won't necessarily marry them or date them, but they're the people with whom we can be who we truly are.
But dissonance, consonance, and resonance can all be obscured. Attraction, fear, mistrust, anger, or simply circumstance can throw people together or apart, and shove them in our out of a bond they're not meant to be in.
Losing a dissonant person is a godsend.
Losing a consonant person can be extremely sad- they added to your life and were a wonderful part of it. At the same time it can be a little relieving to not have to be something that you aren't.
Losing a resonant person is the essence of heartbreak. When you lose someone you resonate with, you've lost a bit of yourself that you didn't have before they were in your life. Sure, you're still you, but without that resonance, your own light doesn't give off the same power or glow. There's an aching, gnawing sensation that can only be caused by someone like that.
So, if you have someone in your life who's dissonant with you, get rid of them as soon as you can. If you have someone in your life who's consonant with you, cherish their friendship. And if you have someone in your life who's resonant with you, for fuck's sake don't ever let them go.
I used to write letters to a crush on here but it got really complicated, so I stopped. But I still love reading the letters on this website and others like it because it is one of the closest doses of real I get from people. There is something tragically beautiful in reading the raw emotions a person feels, yet for some reason, is unable or unwilling to share outside of anonymity. I don't even care to know how old they are, what their gender is, what their sexual orientation is, or what they look like. I see more humanness in some of these letters than I am able to see when face to face with people. It's like the mask comes off and the walls come down when people know they will not be judged or rejected for sharing what they actually feel. Maybe I will once again feel comfortable enough to write letters of my own some day, maybe I will get to the point where I no longer feel I have to write anonymous letters. Until then, I will enjoy the little glimpse I get into the hearts of strangers.
So at my school, in addition to your usual pot dealers, there is a sandwich dealer. Yes, you read that right. SANDWICH. I always thought that was code for some drug or something, but no, he actually sells sandwiches. I've never seen him, but apparently he exists. Public school lunch is really gross, but there is a rule that no one can sell things on campus. Thus he is a "dealer".
Yesterday, I forgot my lunch. You know where this is going. I wasn't going to buy school lunch. I was starving though. But I had no idea where to find this guy, how much the sandwiches were, or what was in them. I was sharing some snacks with my friends when the cutest boy jumped into the seat next to me. The dean approached our table and started yelling about suspension because he was selling sandwiches. HE IS SO CUTE OMG AND HE WAS THE SANDWICH DEALER AHHH
Long story short, I now have a crush on a sandwich dealer...
6 months knowing about this web site,
1 major crush,
3 minor crushes,
77 pages of bookmarked letters,
countless words attempting to describe my feelings and sort myself out.
LTC, you are my life, and you have single-handedly fostered a passion for writing in me. I can't thank you enough.
Love is a beautiful thing. The idea that someone has waited their whole life to meet someone that matches them perfectly and imperfectly in every way. The idea that another human being can feel like your whole world. It really is beautiful if you think about it.
I just want the kind of love when you can look at another person and know "this is it." No mind games, no questions, no walls, just honest feelings. The kind of love that allows you to be completely yourself and bring out the best versions of each other. I want someone to see and cherish all the best parts I see in myself, and even some that maybe I don't.
Shout out to everyone feeling as hopeless as I am right now.
But we should remember that all things must pass.