I'm back here after about 3-4 years of not writing here. I remember full well why I wrote and for whom, and how much I longed for the day when we would be together.
It didn't happen. And it made me feel like I'm unlovable and that I'll never find it.
I wanted to tell you that something far, far better did happen. I fell in love guys, I fell in love when I wasn't looking for it and he wasn't looking for it. I fell in love with the most incredible man, who I consider to be a gift every day for the wonder he is and the magic he holds in his slight, slim shape. I fell in love with every bit of him, one day at a time because I opened my heart to the world, and didn't let it be the closed little home of someone that didn't care for it.
I opened my heart to love itself, to feeling it and living it and being it. Just feel it, guys, please. For the sake of every single day you felt your heart break again, do it. Love heals it, guys, it really does. Just let your mind and body invite it in.
Now after almost two years together with this unending love of mine, this rock of goodness and understanding, and complete enveloping feelings, I only want to ask you to please look for love within people, not specific people within love.
There's no better feeling in the universe.
I was running on a trail this morning and thought i was completely alone so broke out some random dance moves. I then looked behind me only to find the cutest guy ever who then proceeded to pass me and give me the most cheeky of smirks. Kill me now.
I think that’s the hardest part. Falling so deeply for someone that you can never experience being in love together with. The more I heal, the more I realize how true my feelings are for you. There’s so much I don’t know but the way you made me feel is unlike anything I’ve ever known. There are no word, no way to describe it. All I know is when I look in your eyes I see soul. I see light and goodness. You are rare indeed. Unforgettable.
Our conversations are magical, cosmic if you will. You encourage my writing, my reading and my growth. I wish, I could tell you this without breaking his heart......
You know that poem that talks about how some people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime? You were my reason... But I can't help but wish you could have been a lifetime.
I can't wait to see you on Thursday. I don't have high hopes but I do really miss you and I just value your company and conversation. I just like your presence, even when we're not talking. We're so awkward around each other a lot of the time, but when it's just you and me alone the silences don't feel awkward for some reason.
You’ve taught me to say less
Words aren’t our tongue of choice
We speak only in monarch butterflies
Pulsing blood & fluttering chests
I wish we were still in the same place at the same time. I wish I could go back and hit rewind.
I'm so tired of comparing everyone to you. You weren't even that great. But I fucking miss you. I miss what we were supposed to have. I'm so mad at the universe and I'm tired of feeling this way.