The sad thing for me is that we live in a world where talking to someone means you like them, being kind and polite means you're flirting, and every word spoken actually has a different meaning behind it.
Don't read into the words I say. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I don't beat around a bush or make it hard to figure out. I'm honest, point blank, and genuine.
Don't be fooled by the truth hidden in my words. That's the sad thing about this world. Even the truth is corrupted.
He is...everything a girl could want. He is funny, smart, he is a writer and everything that he does turns into gold. His words always leave me speechless. Sometimes, it brings tears to my eyes because he's got a way of putting his feelings in words that nobody does. But he's so much more than that. You know that when you have a crush, you can only think about him or her right? Well..it's been months since this started for me. And we've talked, and he's even more charming. And his voice..not to mention his voice. He sounds so..calming, his voice is so soothing I have recordings of him he gave me and I keep playing them over and over again. It's like a lullaby and it could mend my broken heart in a second.
He's just...not allowing himself to love anyone. Maybe that's my biggest regret. But I've learned to love him in silence. He talks to me and that's enough for now. In the future, maybe I'll want more, but I know that that's not possible. Even so, my heart won't be broken, but I will move on and keep his memory in a corner of my soul. He is everything I've ever loved. We do not resemble in any way; I'm impulsive, he is careful. I'm stubborn, he is kind and open minded; I'm childish, he is mature and understanding. If I could pour all the love I have in his heart and it still wouldn't be enough for him to even love me half as much as I love him. But it's alright. Love is like this and I can't help it. I don't want to.
If you were mine I'd kiss your scars. I'd tell you all the reasons you matter to my world. Assure you that you're not nothing and you're not worthless.
But you're not, and it's because I'm missing that magical quality you so deeply desire. Sometimes I wish I knew what it would take to show you I'm the one, but for now, I'll be everything you want me to be, friend or otherwise.
So during lunch we traded. I gave you my strawberry lemondae that I had already drank half of, and you gave me your Reese's that you had already taken a bite of.
So that means we've technically kissed twice, right?
Now we should make it three. *wink..wink*
To all of you out there that may have forgotten..
You are beautiful. You are smart. You are funny. You are kind. You are unique. You are worthy of love and affection. You are never too much and you are always enough. You are precious. You are a diamond, a rose, a pearl, the most stunning of all God's creation. You are worth more than you could ever imagine. Worth more than the numbers on the scale or the hair product you use or the shoes you wear. More than how many people wish they were you or how many people wish they had you. More than the price tags on your clothes or the percentage at the top of your math test or even the number of followers you have on twitter. Your worth, surpasses all things because you are LOVED and YOU are worth dying for. Regardless of who you think you are. Whether you model in a magazine or you model pottery with grandma. Whether you're on the hot list or the not list. Whether you're head cheerleader or a high school drop out. Whether you're miss popular or you've never had anyone you could call a friend. Whether you love yourself and love your life or you can't stand to look in the mirror and you feel as if everything in your life is falling apart. Whether you're a winner or you feel like the worlds biggest failure. Regardless of who you think you are, the reality is is that you deserve someone that would give up their life for you because YOU are powerful and strong and capable. Inside of you, each and every one of you, is a person with the power and strength and world changing capability and your responsibility is to find that person and to set that them free. This is who you are. And any voices in your mind or other people that try to tell you differently are wrong. And the next time you hear them this is what you say. You say no, you are wrong. I am awesome. I am worthy. I am strong, powerful, and beautiful.
Now please, don't you forget it this time.
I may have accidentaly have fallen in love with you when you talked to me for hours about Doctor Who and didn't get bored. Or maybe it was when we debated about alternate universes and you made sense. Maybe it was in between all those when you were there for me when I just wanted to fell apart, and I was there for you when you did.
Maybe its the fact that you wear soft flannel shurts and scarves and you're tall and look like Jean from SnK. Maybe its that your voice is gorgeous and gravelly and deep. Maybe its because you talk to me, like really talk to me.
I want to hold hands with you. I want to sits next to you and fold myself into your arms. I want to watch moves with you and have you hold me the whole time. I want to touch you, to know you, to understand you completely.
I ship us so hard.
I'm too scared to tell you
I'm too scared to try
I'm too scared of a lot of things
I dont even know why
You're smart, you're pretty, and you have the softest hair
I just wish you were mine to hold so I can kiss you anywhere.
I want to hug you and tell you that your my favorite girl
you make my insides stutter so badly, you make me wanna hurl.
You sleep late at night and lately I've been too
You should know that whenever I can't sleep all I think about is you
I wish for a lot of things but there's one wish that stands out
I wish, most of all, for the courage to finally ask you out.
I live for resonating cords
And words left unsaid
And those midnight conversations
I dread the predictable rejection
And clique phrases adorning
And the broken hearts that follow
I love the morning after
And the empowering feeling
And the words whispered breathlessly
You are everything
And you are nothing
All at once.
I know exactly why I'm alone, why I've always been alone. I don't pretend to be confused by it. I'm alone because I'm too proud to be vulnerable with someone. I'm alone because I'm too cowardly to face the possibility of putting myself out there and being rejected. I'm alone because for all the guys I've ever crushed on, I've never told a single one how I felt. I've known exactly what I wanted and done nothing to get it. Like I just expected the perfect situation to fall into my lap. Like I expected a boy to be vulnerable with me without expecting to have to be vulnerable with him in return. And life doesn't work like that.
And then I met you. Wonderful, wonderful you. And I can't imagine sitting here silently anymore and let you get away without even trying. I'm still too proud for my own good. I am still terrified of being vulnerable and of being rejected. But you're worth more than my pride and more than my fear. You're amazing. You make me happy and I want you in my life...
Maybe it's time I spoke up for once.
This time last year I was in Europe. We had just started our relationship and I had left for Europe literally three weeks after we got together. I had left for seven weeks and during my whole trip, I had missed you so much and was dying to come back and see you. On December 6th 2012, was the day that I got to see you again. We're not together anymore, we haven't been for quite some months, but on December 6th this year, I want to go to place where we saw each other for the first time in the almost two months that we didn't see each other, last year.
I know you won't be there, but I kind of wish you would be.