So, he's gonna get to see me without makeup, my hair everywhere from sleeping, and I am so comfortable around him that I don't care.

Heh, too bad we aren't together.

I have terrible self-esteem. I need to develop a crush on myself. I need to see myself as this fantastic human being and most importantly forgive myself and my flaws. I need a lot of forgiveness for myself. I need to give a lot of support to myself too.

I remember the first time I saw you and how I felt.

You make me laugh like no one else has in a long time.

Your creepy voices top my creepy voices.

Your presence always lightens the day.

You're by far the weirdest person I have ever met,

and people say I'm weird all the time.

When we first kissed it was electrifying. When you touch me I feel like nothing in the world can go wrong. 

And now it's over. But I thank God I got to experience that, so thank you.

I had been in love with my best guy friend for years. But I played it off as I loved him in a brother sort of way. He never had an issue with it. He knew I adored him in a way that was platonic. He always asked me for girl advice and I made sure not to blush or stutter when he asked me for help. We were really tight and so good as friends. Even though I was in love with him, I was more worried about what would happen if we were more. Would our relationship change? What if we broke up? Could we still be around each other?

His friendship meant more to me than a love life.

And so I decided to go on a date with another close guy friend. I was just about to leave the house so I could meet my date at the movie theater when my best guy friend walked up from my driveway. "Shit, you look good," he said dragging a hand through his hair. Nice compliment.

"Um..." I looked at him curiously. "Thanks...I think."

He grabbed my hand. "Don't go on this date."

"Excuse me?" I said in slight outrage. "Why do you--"

"I want to marry you. Okay? I realize we're seventeen and I'm an idiot and you're a genius and you're beautiful and fun and I'm nothing special, but when we're older, I want to marry you. Okay? So don't go on this date. Please. I don't know how you've been so good," he sighed. "I've loved you for months and I can't watch any guy attempt to love you. I'm sorry I'm selfish and obnoxious. But you're mine and I know I'm not being fair because I--"

I smiled at him and wrapped him in a hug and held him tightly. "You're an idiot."

"I know, I told your date that you were in love with me," he mumbled.

I smacked him and he laughed before I chased him around the yard until he agreed to take me to get movie popcorn and candy. 

Do you ever wonder if you've ever met the one?

If they're your neighbor that you've watched grow up your whole life, the one you chased around the yard?
If they're your elementary school best friend, the one that makes you laugh so uncontrollably you might pee?
If they're the asshole in every middle school class, the one that teased you and made you feel like shit?
If they're the popular high school athelete, the one everyone admires but never gets to know the person below the surface?

Or maybe they're someone you have never given more than a glance.

If they're the college student in the library, the one who wears glasses and is reading their textbook like it is their favorite book in the universe?
If they're the one in that indie coffee shop nobody knows about, the one sipping out of a warm mug who gives you a sheepish smile when you sit at a table near them?
If they're the bus rider, the one who is in another world when they plug in the headphones and makes you chuckle because they don't even realize they are singing along completely out of tune?
If they're the confident one, the one strutting down the street that glances back at you when you pass, but you would never know because you wouldn't dare to look at someone completely out of your league?


Maybe they've been there all along, maybe you've only caught a glimpse of them, or maybe you have yet to meet them.  All I know is that they are out there somewhere.

Kissing is different than I've always imagined. 

I mean.

There's no sugar coating it. 

Someone else's lips are on your lips, someone else's tongue is your mouth, and it feels senseless and ridiculous 

But it's the best goddamn thing, I swear to God. 

The heart face emoji doesn't even begin to cover it.

Don't look at him don't look at him don't look at him don't look at him crap I'm looking at him OH MY GOD HE'S LOOKING BACK ABORT MISSION ABORT ABORT ABORT.

Maybe that's why.

Maybe that's why it never worked out with boys I liked.

Maybe that's why boys never seem to take interest.

Maybe that's why I can't get comfortable enough.

Maybe, because, it was always supposed to be this beautiful girl.

I'm sure we all wonder why bad things happen to us. Why do we have to receive that phone call or text or see that facial expression that makes people ask "what's wrong, what happened?". It happens. But we must keep in mind some situations make us that much stronger. If you look back on all the hard times, the horrible days, heartbreaking memories, they may have been sad but look where you are today. because of those hardships you have become an even stronger person than you were before. All of this is just a reminder: you are loved, you are cared for, there is always someone who would be willing to pray with or for you. Who knows, maybe something good will come from all this. Acceptance is the hardest. It will take a lot of time and patience, I believe you'll get through it all. I most likely haven't known you your entire life, but I have known you long enough to see how amazing of a person you are and to know you is a complete honor. As humans, we learn to find strength in pain. We have friends/family to talk with, music to blast, blank pages to fill and express every feeling inside of you. We handle situations differently but we all seem to be there for one another when life gets tough and that's what makes us so wonderful, we can come together and help one another any and every chance we get.

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars." -Khalil Gibran