I feel like I've written you a letter every day. Not on here, nor even written it down anywhere.

I just feel like as much as you're on my mind and I go over everything that I've wanted to tell you, I feel like it's become a series of short letters. They're all addressed to you.

I'm about to talk crazy. Here goes.

Maybe it was some god

or the cosmos

or a red string on my finger

or intuition

but something tugged on my soul and whispered in my ear:

That's him.

We fell in love in 5 weeks.

It sounds like some dumb teen novel; clueless American falls hard for  chiseled Spaniard against the backdrop of a beautiful deepwoods Minnesotan summer camp. 

And it was a dumb teen novel, with all the sleepless nights watching meteors fall and holding hands in secret during staff meetings and sneaking out to the hidden lake during activities and you whispering Spanish love poems and then desperately trying to translate them even though I speak Spanish enough to know every word.

But teen novels don't end with you moving back to Spain. And teen novels don't end with you telling me "you're sorry" that we "just grew apart."

And teen novels don't end with me lying and telling you that I feel the distance too and then crying and crying.

Teen novels bridge the impossible gaps.

We didn't.

If he reads your favorite books, because you suggest them, does that mean anything?

Have you ever felt that deep gut instinct that tells you that someone is meant to be in your life? It could be romantic or non romantic. You see a person amidst hundreds of others in one of the places you're always at, and suddenly they stand out. You don't know why, but there's something about them that holds your attention and makes you feel connected. You smile a little brighter and you're a bit ecstatic. This person, a perfect stranger, and yet you feel like it's only a matter of time before he or she is is going to mean so much to you. Like something amazing and wonderful is about to happen.

I gathered all my courage and asked you to dance with me. You said yes and we danced to a song. 

After the song ended my friend said you couldn't stop smiling the entire time when we were dancing. 

Now, I can't stop smiling.  

I wish conversations would simply flow between us. I want to be completely comfortable around you and I want to show you who I really am.

shoutout to my English teacher for being obsessed with boy-girl seating and making him aware of my existence

I had the most perfect dream last night about you and I.

but then I woke up and I realized

we don't talk anymore.

I am not angry. If you asked me, I would give you a second chance. Not because I love you, which I do, but because I know. I know where you are, and how much it would have helped me if someone reached out and told me "I don't care what you did, I am here." You are not broken. There is nothing to fix. You fucked up, like everyone does. This does not make me love you less. This does not change your worth. Don't say you're sorry. I already know. I have been there too. 

And I will love you through this. If you'll let me.