even if you do like me, you don't like me like this.
you don't listen to stupid love songs and think of me
when you're driving, you don't think about driving to find me
you don't stare at your phone going crazy from wanting to talk to me
you don't lie in bed and imagine my arms around you and me beside you
and you aren't up at 1am writing me a letter about how crazy I make you feel.

a letter to many people:

  • it's not your fault.
  • he really loved you.
  • she didn't deserve you.
  • you made a mistake. it's okay. you're only human.
  • just go say hi. 
  • you shouldn't have hurt her like that. you knew better.
  • let him go.
  • ask her out for coffee.
  • forgive her but don't forget what she did to you. a leopard never changes its spots.
  • i'm truly sorry you got hurt.
  • smile. someone out there is in love with you.
  • you'll find her.
  • you'll marry him one day.
  • everything will be okay. i promise.

why does it feel dangerous to say your name

I wonder if you've ever remembered one of our conversations or something I've said and smiled to yourself. I wonder if you think about me.

I miss you. I adore you. I wish you'd let me love you.

Whether it's as friends or anything else, I'd really like to get to know you! You seem really cool and it feels like we'd get along.

I don't know. I just have a good gut feeling about you, and I don't want to ignore it.

we could be friends if I didn't still love you. 

why do I still love you. 

It's sad when someone can be standing five feet away from you, but might as well be 5,000 miles away.

It's sad when that person once meant something to you, and now you can barely muster up a "hello" when you see them.

Deep down, I want her to know that I miss talking to her and that I don't know why I'm so distant. We had a deep connection. And for some reason that has always made me act in a way around her that not even I can understand.

Maybe it's because she makes me feel vulerable. Maybe it's because I want her to be mine so badly and can't have her. Maybe it's my way of shielding myself from thinking about all of the things I love about her, which in turn makes me feel pain because we can only be friends.

I'm sorry. I don't know if you even care anymore, and I wouldn't blame you if you don't. But I just want you to know that I do miss our friendship, and that I truly believe you're one of the most precious girls on this earth. I'm lucky that I met you. If I can never put this friendship back together, I just want you to know that I enjoyed every second of the laughs, talks and that smile of yours that will forever be cherished in my memory. I'm glad I got to know those layers of you that you would only reveal to a select few people. Your secrets were safe with me, always.

before you go away to college i probably should tell you that i've had a crush on you since the third grade

I like how she sneezes.

I like that silly pre-sneeze face of hers. Everyone knows those aren't pretty.

Hers is just so cute.

And she stops herself from sneezing most of the time. Because she's worried about germs or that she's driving.

"I love a good sneeze," she'll say once in a while.

Is it weird that I love when her allergies kick up?

God I love her.

Her and her sneezes. 

In eighth grade we had to write our own fairy tale type story.

I wrote a story about a princess who goes on an adventure to find her prince but then realized that she had so much fun on the adventure that she never really needed the prince to live anyways.

That means that I've known since I was about 14 that I don't NEED you.

Doesn't mean I don't want you though.