When I first met you, I thought I hope that I don't mess this up because all I do is mess things up, but I never thought it would mess me up.

i'm in love with my best friend

i'm in love with her hair, long and curly and untamed, her light brown eyes, her unfaltering, possibly fake grin, her ivory skin and the few beauty marks lined on her body

i'm in love with her voice, her loud and obnoxious, sporadic laughter, the way she sounds when she cries, how she sighs, and how her singing gives me goosebumps

i'm in love with her words, her inflections, her strength in music and in simple lines on pages

i'm in love with the way she crumbles. she is my supernova, exploding, shining brighter than the sun ever could. she fades but she returns.

i'm in love with the tears, her strange addictions, her long hands that once held me carefully

and though i can't have her now

the way she holds me in my dreams is enough to keep me grounded


Who needs math notes?
I'll just doodle your name over and over again.
That seems proactive.

I can't stop thinking about her; her hair, her eyes, her laugh. She accidentally put a spell on me, and she doesn't have a reversal. People say that 12 year olds can't love, but I know I love her. I stay awake at night thinking about her, I cry about how she isn't in my life at all. I can't stop looking at her, and when we talk, my stomach flutters like there are a million hummingbirds flying around in there. I write songs and poems about her, and all the stars in space, and all the grains of sand still cannot count my love for her. But what do I know? I'm only twelve.

I have a tendency to love things that I know are no good for me.

Coffee can sometimes make me literally double over in stomach pain, but I continue to drink without a second thought.

Junk food makes me feel like I'm drinking pitchers of grease, but I continue to eat without a second thought.

He makes me feel like I'm worshipping a brick wall, but I continue to love without a second thought. 


A toast.

To the beautiful ones, the ones that I see in grocery stores, classrooms, sidewalks, buses, planes, waiting rooms, the world.
To all those unknowing souls that gave my heart a midnight fever and my head a run for its money.
To eyes and smiles and laughs that weren't meant for me but I hold onto regardless.
To the ones that turned my stomach into knots because they existed.
To the ones that someday will help remind me that I am beautiful, from my lips to all my secret parts that I don't so easily show the world.
To the one? If you are a passenger of brave, cruel world. I will be where I have always been.
To the ones who I love, to the ones who I will love, to the ones I loved.

May your days be a blaze of glory without the fear of burning out.


I've always settled for everything in my life. Where I'm going to live, who I live with, where I get my food, and who I'm friends with. My career choices, my life choices, almost everything had been decided to for me, and I've never had the chance to say anything in protest yet. It's even gotten to the point where most of the time I don't even care, because there's nothing I can do to stop it. But the one thing I had promised myself that I would never settle for was the man I was going to date. Who I put my lips on first will never be decided for me. Who I'll have my first time with will never be decided for me. Who I fall in love with will never be decided for me. That is the one thing I will always fight for when someone says different, and it will be the one thing I will make my own choice about. Now I've made my choice. And I chose you. Now I'm just waiting for you to choose me.

Someday, I won't have to tell myself "someday" anymore. 

HAHA HE WANTS TO DO A FAKE PROPOSAL WHEN WE MEET AT THE AIRPORT, JUST TO MAKE PEOPLE GO "AWH"! I have my version of it planned out in my head already. I wonder what his is....

My aunt asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said, "No. Nor am I likely to. Ever." 

"Aww, why not?" She sounded sad, like I had a low image of myself or something. 

"Because boys are not my thing," I answered, with a significant look. 

She glanced up at my uncle and cocked her head to the side. "I can see that. Good for you."