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Why do I torture myself like this?

I know you’re dedicating song lyrics to her...

I wish things had ended differently between us.

I mean, sure, I would've loved it if you liked me back, too. But more than that, I just wanted you to care. If not as a friend, then as a person. Was that too much to ask? For you to give me a smile, for you to say sorry. For you to not have reacted the way you did.

But instead, you learned about what I was, and I guess that made you forget who I was, too. I thought you were my friend, but I know better now. Friends don't treat each other the way you treated me.

When I lay my head on your chest and feel the warm, safe comfort of your arms around me, and listen to your heartbeat as I lose myself in the rise and fall of your chest,

I feel like your chest and arms are the lifesaver around me, your breaths slowly bobbing me up and down as I float in the vast sea of my love for you, and blowing a soft, soothing breeze through my hair.

My own breathing begins to slow and I feel the heartbeat within my chest synchronize with your heartbeat that sounds in my ear, and I feel that I'd be content to float in this sea forever.

Break 4 luuuuuuuuuuuuv 🎶

I admit it: I'm a fuck-up and a burden

I hate myself I can't get up anymore

i haven't had a crush since i stopped dating my ex, near the end of my junior year of high school. now, i'm about to graduate and go to college. he cheated on me with another girl. for the most part, i think high school relationships are stupid, and definitely not a good idea, but it still affected me a lot. completely ruined my self-esteem. it was a big deal, especially because i had always considered myself a confident person. he left my school and moved to another state, but i still have to see the girl every day. i keep comparing myself to her–it's awful. she's good-looking, smart, and she's going to an ivy league school. everyone likes her. before this, i never compared myself to other girls. i liked myself, even though i wasn't popular with guys.

i'm slowly trying to restore the confidence i lost. senior year has been tough. partly because of my relationship with this girl, and partly because of many other things i had to deal with. i finally feel like i'm getting back on track, though. for a few weeks (or months?), i stopped talking to my friends. i became isolated. but now i'm talking to a lot of people, and i've made new friends. i'm scared, but also excited, because a new chapter of my life will begin in a few months.

In any universe you are my dark star. 🎼

I can apologise for hurting you but I don't think I can tell you how much you hurt me. Apologising because it was my fault. That's okay. That's experience. But telling people they hurt me. What am I supposed to expect? I'm feeling sick.