He is a breath of fresh mountain air, filling my lungs as full as they can go, my chest expanding and my fingertips tingling and then exhaling with a loud sigh and tears in my eyes. He is a warm bed at the end of the day, the comforter curling around me just right and soothing all of my tired muscles and ligaments. He is the night sky, sparkling with stars and galaxies that are no match for the ones in his eyes. He is an anomaly, a paradox, and everything I have ever dreamed of, all wrapped up in a tall skinny body with ocean eyes and tulip lips. He likes books and classical music and musicals and sappy romance novels and he respects his mother and he lights something up in me that I hope never goes out. I look at him and I am home, I am more home than I ever was in the house I grew up in. I have never been so at peace than when I am with him
They, with their many quick flings and forgotten kisses, tell me to simply forget this boy. They think that I'm just a crazy old child with nothing on my mind but him.
That last part is true, but not by my own choice. I do not select the option of having two dreams a night about him for two straight weeks. I do not ask God to bring forth any possible sign that brings back every memory at once, whether he's nearby or not. I do not plan out to have things happen that inevitably cause me to check up on him for fear that, maybe, he's just not alright this time. I do not wish for anxiety to flood my brain with the "what ifs." Damn, what if we didn't end that way?
These people, with their made-up logic and their shallow emotions, say that they want me to heal. These people, they then scold me for not being able to erase any and every thought of him out of my head. I do not care if he's not worthy of me; I only want to be happy, whether that is with him or not. Do you not understand?
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password is: U0*V-kEXN4X0qd4@
Who can figure it out?
Who the fuck writes you a birthday letter stating
“You are one more year closer to death.”
??
I keep remembering the ways you flirted with me, not just what you used to say, but the physical touches too. Surely I meant something to you for you to do those things?
I have to see you desperately! It's been too long. I'm in need of your lingering hug. I can't move on ?