I still remember when I found out you liked another girl.

I was furious,

I was angry,

I was jealous,

I cried.

I liked you to the point where I became possessive. It was something that had never, ever happened to me before. Only with you. The thought of you with another girl was terrifying to me. I wanted you. Only you. I remember when I had a dream of you falling for another girl. This girl had so much more in common with you. In the dream, it took me a little to get used to, but once I realized how much you two related to each other, I was happy. This was the girl from the dream. You told me she shared the same music taste with you, she was smart, she was cool. How you cared for her. I genuinely felt happy for you. She was better for you than I was. No matter how much I wanted you, it wouldn't be good for either of us. The two of you seemed almost perfect with the natal chart you showed me. I loved that for you. I still care for you the same. I'm finally content knowing that you found her. ?

And what was all that time for? What were the conversations until 2 am and the calls from 8 to 1? The video calls from 10 to 3? Those calls where I got to see your flushed cheeks and where I got to see you laugh and joke. "Video chats are so exciting it's like she is inviting me to her world full of privacy" -Her, Tyler the Creator; that's how I felt about you. I couldn't wait to call you again and talk to you. We planned to watch a movie together and I was so happy just waiting for that call but; you stopped talking to me. The quality of your texts were shit. They were short responses and weird phrases. They were quick and ready to go so you could talk to somebody else. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Was I too clingy? Was I being toxic? Am I annoying? You told me you loved talking to me and that I was never clingy but now I don't believe you. Why did you disappear and stop talking to me over the Summer?

September I found out you liked another girl. Did you know that even after you stopped talking to me thoughts of you still clouded my mind? I waited way too long to confess my feelings to you. I knew there was a point where you liked me too. Hints after hints were dropped. Did we both feel like we were already together? I wanted to wait a little longer to confess to you but now it's too late. I still miss you. ?

I care about you so much; don't you notice? Don't you notice in the way that I can't understand whether you're joking or not? That's not me being stupid; that's me constantly caring about how you feel. Have you noticed in the way that I'm always asking you to tell me how you feel? Have you noticed in the way that I always do everything you ask me to do even if I don't enjoy it? That's all because I care for you so much that I put your happiness and feelings before mine. I just want to make you happy. How did you do this to me? ?

When we make eye contact, do you feel the way I do? I can feel my cheeks growing hotter every second. When I touch them, they feel like the heat from a flame. My heart drops immediately as a response. I feel like looking away, but I can't. We just stand there. My eyes fixate on yours taking note of your wood brown eye color and every single detail about you. The natural highlights in your hair, your pale skin that resembles whipped milk, and your genuine smile that kindles that warmth. All of these thoughts flood my head in a matter of five seconds before you crack the space between us with a joke in your low, rich voice. Why do I feel this way about you? Stop that. ?

How on earth did this happen...

The world might warp and twist around us, but my love will forever stay the same.

Love, By: Storm

Mmm if you only knew the effects you have on my body. I see your eyes. I know they wander to me from time to time. But why? Why do you do that if you have absolutely no interest? Why do your words keep solidifying that I am just a friend, yet your actions bring out the most primal feelings and instincts in me? Sometimes you make me feel like I never knew what it was like to be a woman before. Other times you make me feel like a plaything. Just another heart to toy with. Why do you do this? Are you as conflicted as I am? Or are you really this cruel? Or is it a bit of both?

Me: okay so we've confessed to this guy and got rejected, according to plan

Brain: yeah i'm cool with this so far so good

Me: so now we're gonna follow the rest of the plan and use this rejection to get over the crush and distance ourself from stupid "what-ifs" right? Like we discussed?

Brain: uhhh y'all hear sumn???

I loved him to death. I would go to the ends of the earth for him, and further. I would do anything.

He thought I was pathetic.

I started seeing myself through his eyes. I became the pathetic person he made me out to be. I was scared around him, too nervous. When he'd talk to me, he'd make fun of the feelings he knew I had, but I never cared about that. "I can't believe he talked to me", I thought." Did he finally forgive me?"

I broke myself down over this guy. I loved him for a year and a half and believed I would never stop loving him. I believed the hell would never end.

Until I saw his face one day and instead of nerves, a voice inside my head rang "meh". Until I didn't care about him for a week, for two weeks, for a month, for two months. Until I saw how unfair I was being to myself by putting him at number one, always.

Don't worry, people. If I could do it, you can too. Your awful feelings will pass. I believe in you.