Shutting off is no longer effective.

Need an alternative to survive.

Rlove

Has anyone's crush ever found their letter?

I sometimes feel like i will never love someone else because i will forever love him and only him. Ugh.

There's nothing quite like the blue glow of stage lights or a movie screen illuminating the slopes of the face of the person next to you,

nothing quite like the space, so close, taught with the tension of two people focused on a couple inches of nothing between knees,

nothing like indigo, gleaming lashes over eyes, accented by a flash of white glare, the shadow of a nose, a violet jawline,

nothing like the strained intent of staring dead ahead, focusing on the plot, on the dialogue, fixating, fixating on anything but the body, person, heart in the seat next door,

nothing like the buzz between shoulders, closer than knees, even centimeters maybe, energy reaching out, buzzing, fizzing, buzzing, but it's

nothing, it has to be nothing,

there's nothing quite like the something that's nothing yet.

How to end this suffering?

Rlove

I just really love him. I just really do. And he loves me, too.

21-year-old me: No first kiss. No prom date. No boyfriend.

Little did I know in that 21st year of life, love would find me. And three years later- here we are. He's my person. Soul mate. I dreamt of him for 21-years. And he found me.

Don't give up on love. Don't settle just because you're feeling lonely. Wait for the real thing, sunshine. I promise you- it's worth it.

Sending hugs to your heart.

And he was fucking epic at it. Beating me at my own game.

Confidence is a trait he built up and tore down just as fast.

One piece at a time.

And maybe he was just as nice as religion.

But there ain't no signs left to be found.

And he definitely will never always be there with me.

It's a bitter pill to swallow when the dog you through your toys to turns on you.

I think the thing that I really beat myself up about is the fact I never had the courage to tell him how I felt. I had so many opportunities to do it. I was so afraid of being rejected by him. I didn’t want to go through with another heartbreak. That’s my problem. I am always making excuses for why I can’t do something. Enough is enough. I’m tired of missing out on opportunities. I regret so much never telling the guy that I still till this day love, that he has always been the one. I regret never showing him that I care. He is now with someone else. It’s a never ending cycle...I always would wait till he would break up and then tell myself to go for it but I never could. Waiting isn’t going to get me anywhere though. I finally worked up the courage to last year to message him and show him how much I truly care for him. I still don’t know if it ever got through to him or not. I just wish more than anything I could spill it all out to him. But I know I can’t do that while he’s with someone else, no matter how much I don’t like the girl. And how bad I think she is for him. I would never try to ruin a realationship. Does it hurt? Of course it does.

I blame myself for most of this but also him.

Both of us are to blame. He could never admit how he felt just as I could never admit it. It sucks when two people have such a strong chemistry between them and it feels like they are tied together by a knot but the magnetic force always keep them apart and they can never be together.

That is what it feels like. The force is so strong between us why can’t one day the two magnetic just come together.

if I could go back to 7th grade I would