The silent crush you have on someone is wasted energy on your part.
The person never knows.
Love without action is just narcissism.
Good morning well kinda, i knew you had bowling at 9:30 this morning, so i took that time to complaint if i'm actually going to send this because this could end badly and in embarrassment.I know that you’re a bit older than me, but I’ve never felt the way I do when I’m around you. And I know you have feelings for Laney,and trust me when I say that I am okay with it. I don't get jealous and honestly I don't blame you she's gorgeous. Fuck imma regret this but i guess yolo and why not just tell people how i feel. I thought you weren't coming bowling yesterday, and when I saw you I got butterflies. And i will admit i cried last night because of the whole laney thing, but i understand that she's older than me and closer to your age, she's everything i'm insecure about. Oh lord this is gonna sound cheesy lmao, i remember showing up to maddies practice and i saw tommy and i said he was hot, and then i saw you and i asked maddie who you were. After she told me your name, James, I remember smiling and saying that you were adorable, which in my vocabulary is wayyy better than hot. Hot to me is a good body, but adorable well that to me is more than just a body. And i didnt even know you yet but i had a feeling that you were nice and weren't a douche. I think I remember what you were wearing, I believe that you were wearing black pants/sweats and a grey t-shirt. I was wearing my favorite dress with my white long sleeve shirt and tights because I was cold. I remember you snapping maddie asking for my snap, and after practice ended I got to my car and realized I forgot my backpack so I ran back in. you and parker were talking when you looked at your phone and saw that maddie answered and finally sent you my snap. You didn't realize that I was right next to you when you said “see that wasn't that hard maddie” joking about how long it took her to send it. Because she said I was grounded. Anyways, I remember everything about that practice. And last night after bowling and we texted that was our first like deep i guess kind of convo. Though I admit some of it was hard to read and I wanted to play it cool. When i said that i felt like a princess with my tieria on and that i still had it on because i felt pretty with it on. And when you said that I looked it too. My heart skipped a beat, shit I sound cheesy. But it kills me to only talk and cry to maddie about this. holy shit i have never cried over a guy that i barely know. And holy… your smile, james, it's amazing. And the fact that you’re “nerdy” and that you love starwars like I do (even though you know wayyy more about it than I do). And I know we make fun of the way to text because of how formal it is, but it's so cute. My hands are shaking typing this.your laugh is so contagious,i can't help but laugh along with you. I was a hot mess who was falling apart little by little each day, and i went to maddies practice to avoid sitting in my room alone, i didn't intend to see a guy and develop a crush on them. But from the first time i texted you i couldn't wait to wake up or get home from school to see if you texted. I worked harder in school just to make my mom would let me use the ipad. You caused me to pull myself together without you even knowing it. This text is all over the place, but im just typing what is coming to mind when i think about mr.james swannie. When you touched me in the most unsexual way and you didnt intend to make me feel butterflies but holy shit. That was the first time you touched me besides the high fives u and maddie do which i still don't get lol. Oh and don't even get me started on your hair. Whether this text ends with me crying on the phone with maddie or if it ends in a good way, i will always be happy to know that i got this all out and most of all that i met you. I'm being so naive right now. Fuck james im crying writing this. And i know i complain 24/7 and i have crazy mood swings, and thank you for putting up with me. Your actions say a lot about your character. You treat everyone you come across with respect and dignity. You try to comfort people who are going through tough times to let them know that they’re not alone. When someone asks for help, you don’t hesitate to lend a hand, and that is my ABSOLUTE favorite part about you. And that's the end of this text, I'm so very sorry if this makes things weird, I started writing this at 1:30 am and I just finished it. I just needed to get this off my chest.
If loving you means I’m gay, then I’m that. However, if you turn into a potato tomorrow, then I’m whatever it is that is attracted to potatoes. Yes, I’m being silly. But you get the point.
I'm happy with him but I'm not happy with myself.
I'm not doing my best and for that, I feel like a let down. I know he'll tell me that failures don't define me however, it's already my fourth go... I'm starting to give up. I may need to do something else because obviously whatever I'm doing is not working.
He's too good to me. I feel so guilty for that.
I actually can’t believe it. You managed to convince me I was responsible for your trauma and all sorts of crap. You managed to play me like everything was my fault. I am so done with you bye
Hi Crush !!!!!!!! I know that you would say im annoying or just fight me anyway but I let you go .
L,
I am patient.
I am so very, very empathetic.
I want nothing more than for your well-being.
But uncertainty like this gnaws at my soul. It's just how I tick.
If you need to rip the band-aid off, please just do it. I will understand. Just don't leave me adrift, anxious, in this sea of ambiguity. It hurts too much. I care too much.