I punch trees.

It's not that I don't like trees. I've got nothing against trees. I just like punching hard stuff. A thick tree is the best way to go. It makes your knuckles bleed when they hit the bark. You can feel the bones in your fingers shake.

Sometimes I need to forget about things. So I punch trees.

I listen to music while I do it. My friends say that I play my music too loudly. I've played it at full blast since a couple days after you left me.

Sometimes I need to forget about things. So I listen to loud music.

One time, I tried to imagine that the tree was your face. I didn't like that. I'm not mad at you, I just miss you.

Sometimes I miss you, so I punch trees and I listen to loud music.

Sometimes I miss you.

I stand there and I wail at a tree, and bits of bark are flying everywhere, and it gets in my eyes, and I can't see so I shut them, but when I close my eyes, I just see you. My knuckles are bleeding and some guy is screaming in my ear and I keep hitting the tree and--and--

I don't remember how I ended up on the ground. It feels like I've been crying, but I can't remember that either. I can't stop thinking about you, no matter how much I punish my hands or my ears.

My knuckles will never hurt badly enough.

The music will never be loud enough.

24 comments add comment

  • SH
9 years ago

Oh my god, I've been in this point in my life.. don't worry dude! You'll get through this, I just know it!

  • ...
9 years ago

Author, do you want to talk about it? I've been there, well... am there.

If you need someone, I'm here.

You seem interesting.I want to talk to you, to listen, to laugh.

I think we could be friends.

Hope you see this, if you're not interested, that's fine, thanks for reading anyway.

  • ö
9 years ago

This hit me super hard. The last few lines. Good luck. Don't hurt yourself.

  • anonymous lover
9 years ago

Heartbreaking.

Be strong. Please.

  • anonymous lover
9 years ago

This is so sad. Like wow. Poor baby. I hope you find great love one day.

  • Baylee
9 years ago

Well holy shit

  • Ravenbird
9 years ago

This is one of the most passionate and vivid things I've ever read on here. You're going to get through this and on the other side, you will see the scars on your hands and realize that you made it.

  • Luwian
9 years ago

I'm 98% sure someone i used to know wrote this, it hurts to breathe.

Author, is there anything I can do? I hope you know how many people care about you.

I hope you're not who i think you are, at the same time, I do, because that'd mean I have a chance to make things okay. For leaving.

This is a stuipid situtation now where everything is going wrong and you're probably not the person, but even if you're not, I want to help you be okay.

-Luwian

  • anonymous lover
9 years ago

This killed me.

  • Al Pal (AMD)
9 years ago

Hey, just... Its all going to be okay. Okay? Don't hurt yourself. Punching trees is good, you know what I do? I lay down in the rain. I get cold, so numb that I can't feel anything, just like how my insides feel. Once I feel like I can't feel the pain anymore... Then I take a bath. I know it's sounds funny. But my insides get pulled back together when my outsides get warm.

  • ia
9 years ago

oh...my. I have no words. You're going to end up alright, okay?

  • Anna
9 years ago

This is my new favorite piece. This is beautiful. Keep writing and keep feeling.

  • Amber
9 years ago

This made me cry. Tears, tears...

  • Luwian
9 years ago

God.. coming back and reading this, I stil feel like someone is stabbing my chest...

So many questions.

  • Pinkiepromise
9 years ago

That was deep. I rarely cry over letters, but this has me as close to tears as I'm going to get.

  • Author
9 years ago

Hey, wow, I posted this a while ago and it got a couple hearts, but I just checked back on it and WOW. Thank you for your words, I'm happy to know there are people out there who understand.

For the people who think they know who this is...I don't know if you're right, but hey, it would be kinda cool if we found out it was.

Again, thank you for your kind words and suggestions.

  • Luwian
9 years ago

Author, couldyou share the first and last letter of your name? I think that'd help me figure out if you're the person I know.

Even if not, I would like to get to know you. (I am aware of how weird that sounds, but honestly I'm rather introverted and there aren't many people on this planet who seem like people I'd like to know...so I don't know how to react or how to say that I'd like t be friends without sounding creepy as i've never really had to say that to anyone before)

  • Author
9 years ago

  • Author
9 years ago

Db

  • Luwian
9 years ago

Alright, so, you're not someone I know.

Though, maybe it's better that you are not.

If you like, we could plan a time to talk over LTC chat and exchange emails? Sorry if that's weird too.

Yup.

  • Author
9 years ago

Yeah sure, just tell me a time and a date and Ill let you know if it works for me.

  • Author
9 years ago

Hello? Luwian? It's been 5 days...still wanna chat?

  • Luwian
9 years ago

Yes, I do.

Sorry, I got embarrassed and felt like I was probably bothering you and that you were trying to be nice about it. Most of the time I am oblivious as to when someone dislikes me.

We're probably in different time zones.. so how about 11:00 AM EST Thursday August 28th? If you're not there or can't make it you can tell me here, and if you don't tell me I'll keep checking in at that time on the LTC chat each day.

  • Author
9 years ago

Hey, so I went out and went to a football game today...didn't see this until I got back, and it was too late! Sorry!

I can do it tomorrow night, same time, if that works for you. I'll be there.

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