Shut up.

I can't get used to this. I refuse to get used to this.

Don't make so much noise. 

Shut up. I can hear you moving around, shifting about, burrowing deep inside and I swear I've tried I cant get you out.

Shut up. I can hear you screaming, covering it up with a smile.Don't make a sound. Don't alert me to the fact that you're still there. Don't remind me.

Do you ever get homesick? 

Shut up. Shut me up. Shut yourself up tightly as you clatter, making your way towards the door. To leave my life, as you stay inside my heart and mind.

Shut up. Close me away. Seal my corners. I always knew you wouldn't stay.

Shut up. I can hear you still. As though my heart was a windowsill and you remain there, perched, and I wonder whether you have made the little me, your idea of who I am... the person who maybe once lived inside your heart to be as homeless as the rest of me feels.

Shut up. You're throwing my thoughts around, causing them to race each other to the finish line, where the memory of seeing lines on your wrist are burned beneath my eyelids... 

Isn't it funny how I keep telling you to shut up even though all I want is to hear you speak, and say what you mean with sincerity rid of the drama books teach us to add to absolutely everything like those ungodly cooking channels where people eat 70% butter for lunch?

Shut up, and let me hear myself pray to gods of religions that don't believe in me that your often crossed arms isn't where I'm supposed to be, because that'd explain why I don't feel at home in the spaces that arent filled by you and I, edges where you end and I begin like the horizon or the sand and the rising tide.

Just between you and I, and everyone who may read this, hear this... I never believed you. I only wanted to.

Before all of this.

What have I missed?

Do you ever miss me? Because all I'll say is that I miss you more than sometimes.

Shut up. Shut up and say something. Really say something, something that matters, that needs to be said.

Shut up and understand why I never said I knew when you lied, which was more than sometimes, like I said... I'll never get used to it.

Shut up and speak your mind. Say what you want to say.

Shut up and find me again because I am waiting and you are taking far too long to finally let me know you. No I'm not telling you something you don't already know. You were not who you naturally are with me. You tried playing parts, because if you played a certain part I'd play the one which naturally went with it. It was a charade. I want to hear you, know you. The real you. Past the masks and characters you'd play, adding drama to the script every single day.

That person who crouched in your heart like a squatter was a bad influence on you. I agree with that.

So get to know me. 

Shut up and talk to me because I'll talk back, and we'll be able to talk for hours.

Shut up and let a new idea of who I am walk right past your walls, reach up past your facades, knock on the door to your heart and say "Hi. Nice to meet you."

Shut up, and form a better understanding of this person I am, because when you do that others will follow, and we won't have to feel so alone anymore.