Look, I'm a wuss, and I run away from my feelings. Getting close to you scared me because I knew I fell hard for you so quickly, but we were just friends and I couldn't be with you, and I didn't want to give myself false hope since you were taken.
But damn, sometimes I could swear you must have felt something for me. The way you smiled at me, laughed with me. Told me your dark secrets. You seemed to cherish everything about our friendship. You let me in. And you're the type of person who doesn't let many people in.
I felt like I had my chance with you, but I didn't take it. That's where the wuss part comes in. I couldn't take the leap. I was too scared. Too scared to actually let someone in and see every little part of me. Afraid you'd think I wasn't worth it. Afraid I'd get my heart broken.
I curse myself for not going for it. I kept telling myself the perfect moment would come and I could tell you everything. But damn it, you're gone now and I'll probably never see you again, and those moments WERE there before. I was just too scared. I let them slip through my fingers.
I've written a thousand letters to you on this site since I met you a couple years ago. You awoke my heart from the slumber it was in and made me feel again. Thank you so much for that. I'll never be able to explain what that meant to me, and how much it changed my life for the better.
In the end, I guess you were just someone I could not get to. The one that got away. I used to dream about your smile, and the way you'd look at me. I used to swear that look must have meant something deeper, like you felt what I felt when we talked. I'll never know now.
If I never see you again...please know I am thankful you came into my life. And I'm glad you opened up to me. I'm just not glad about you being gone. I miss you, and wish my friend would come back.
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