Dear You,

I don’t know what I’m doing, but hey, do any of us really know what we’re doing? It took me until now to realize that everyone is pretty much as clueless as I am when it comes to dealing with life. 

Anyway, everyone is making it through life the best that they can. Clumsily making their way, trying to find direction and meaning in their own pointlessness. Not many achieve happiness.

The point is I love you. 

People have walked in and out of my life and no matter where I am or who I’m with my heart always manages to find you. You of all people. I see you and everything makes sense, the world doesn't seem so bleak, and my existence doesn't seem to lack purpose entirely. If I had no purpose then why in the hell did I find you? This beautiful creature that only brings clarity and warmth. I love you. I always have. 

I remember the first time I saw you: 

it was the first day of the sixth grade. I remember that I walked into 7th period English class unsure and timid, still frighten by the new massive school and confusing schedule. I looked about to see if I saw any familiar faces that I could possibly snag a seat next to; that’s when I saw you. You were sitting in the back, your long shaggy brown hair nearly covered your amber eyes (a damn shame, don't you think?). I remember momentarily being taken aback by your presence, for never had I seen a boy so “cute” before in my life. Your freckled splashed face and adorable demeanor stole my heart; you got me. I never acted on those feelings though, dating and love were still foreign concepts in my prepubescent mind. However, over the course of those three years we grew closer, and eventually became good friends by the time we reached our freshman year of high school.The first year of was the easiest: all of us were still embraced by the innocence and ignorance of childhood, not nearly prepared for what lie ahead of us. When my first boyfriend broke up with me later that year I thought I was going to die from the mere pain of first heartbreak, but you were there, following me, picking up the pieces behind me as I wondered aimlessly. I think the day I realized that I loved you was once in biology class: I remember walking into class, headphones in, forcing myself to listen to awful breakup music while I wallowed in my own self pity; but you stopped me. You saw what I was doing, took my iPod, and switch on "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles. God, if i could only convey to you what that meant to me. To see someone actually give a shit about another human being, to set aside their time, to see that they're in distress, and to help them…. it’s something not seen everyday (well, at least by me). The rest of that year was a blur. We slowly found ourselves moving closer and closer as the inevitable attraction grew. Oh my god, I was overwhelmed…

That year we fell in love with each other. I remember laying in the park and holding hands under neither the desk in science class. I remember laughing and joking with you, and drawing for you and loving you with every piece of my heart because you were my sunshine. You were so grumpy and private and cold, but with me things were different; you were my light, my direction, my everything. We didn't need to talk all the time, we didn't need to validate our love, we were simply okay with existing with each other and I find that to be one of the most beautiful aspects of our relationship; everything just sort of happened, nothing was ever forced for us. Not only did I love you, but you were my best friend. I have never ever connected to another human being as I do to you. I shared so much with you that I would never dream of sharing with another soul, and you opened up to me as well. Even now when we occasionally find each other at the same social gathering, I cant help to notice the subconscious relationship we have with each other; a much deeper connection that i cannot put into words. We complete each other’s thoughts, understand each other without issues of clarity, we laugh at the same things (it’s especially awkward if no one else laughs), and we do this weird thing where we seem to find each other in crowds rather easily/telepathy type things (from what i noticed). 

Seeing you isn't hard for me. I love seeing you, actually. It’s like seeing an old friend that you've sort of lost touch with but everything seems to resume to normal (to an extent; I mean we are the best of friends, but we are civil). I love seeing that you're happy. It makes me happy. Most of the time you have [insert girl name here] glued to your hip and I think (though my opinion means nearly nothing) you should hold onto her, whatever you guys are, friends or more. 

I hope you do well in life. I hope you excel in college. I hope you land a fantastic job. I hope you succeed the game that is life. I love you. And I don't expect anything from this; I just wanted you to know. I may have slipped these thoughts to you once when I was drunk, but I cannot remember; and I wanted to do it sort of properly, you know? I have done a lot of growing up over the past three years or so (especially in the last couple of months), and I need to let you know this. I need you to know you are loved. You are loved by so many, and I want you to be happy. I feel so creepy saying all this, but it is how I feel and it needed to be said. 

If you ever need anything, do not be hesitant to talk to me (i’m pretty great at listening). 

I’ll see you around, 

Me

4 comments add comment

  • anonymous lover
9 years ago

I dearly and tenderly felt in love with your letter. It may be long, but it's absolutely worth the read. I am happy I read it.

I also love the way you write, and the way you think, as the relationship you describe between the two of you.

I can't help but wonder if you are not hurt, though...

I hope that you're fine, as you said. And hope you had a very mery Christmas if you celebrate it.

Hope you'll write again here.

  • cp
9 years ago

what is this, a letter for ants!?!?

  • anonymous lover
9 years ago

"You were sitting in the back, your long shaggy brown hair nearly covered your eyes (a damn shame don't you think?)"

Hahaha I love that.

Gorgeous letter, by the way. You have a beautiful way of looking at the world.

  • Katie
9 years ago

gosh, that was amazing. i read it aloud to myself, long, but beautiful.

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