Dear LTCers,

My parents are separated. She ran away from the house in the middle of the night in order to get away from his emotional and psychological abuse.

Now he writes her letters, the text jagged and scrawled, recalling old memories of when they were first married, telling her how he has changed. How he cannot live without her. He wants to fix things. He forgives her for leaving.

But she is not going back. And that's good. Because he has promised to change before. Because the reason he needs her is because he doesn't know how to pay bills or do laundry. Because he has no one to blame for things or get mad at when something goes wrong. He has yet to actually acknowledge or apologize for the abuse he had inflicted on her for almost 30 years. 

Bottom line: For those of you currently in a crisis like this, please realize that sometimes the promise of change isn't going to be enough. If you know the relationship is wrong, don't go back. Don't give in, no matter the heart-wrenching emotional responses. The other person is not going to change, and you will be stuck forever with only yourself to blame.