i'm sorry about such a long post but i had to get this off my chest.
one of the things i hate most is when expectations are laid upon a person being crushed on when they really shouldn't be. i don't know if anyone else has experienced this, but as a girl i have come across it more than once while growing up.
for example. i recently found out a guy i don't have feelings for has a crush on me, and when my friends found out too, they were all like 'you should go out with him.' and when i said 'why' they replied 'because he likes you. you should give him a chance. you might like him.'
no. i do not like him and i cannot help that. it is cruel but it is not my fault. i cannot make feelings that aren't there suddenly appear for someone no matter how hard i try. they are his feelings for him to deal with. not me. i cannot say sorry for something i haven't done wrong. i have not led him on in any way. if anything, ever since i suspected he had feelings for me i have actually been more distant with him than anyone else. if i took it any further i'd have to completely ignore him and that's just uncalled for.
if you don't feel the same way about someone, absolutely nothing should be expected of you.
i feel like we live in a society where people, especially women, are made to feel like we 'owe it' to a guy to go out with him just because that guy is crushing on us. you don't owe anything to anyone. if you don't like someone, you don't like someone. it's like we're made to feel bad for not having feelings towards someone even though it can't be helped.
'but he likes you. why don't you like him too?' 'because i don't.'
i know. i know. it sounds horrible and mean but what are you to do? you cannot force something if it's not there. i'm not suggesting you be mean to someone who is crushing on you (in fact, if they tell you they are crushing on you, you should as kindly as possible tell them you don't feel the same way). i'm just saying if you don't feel the same way there should be no expectations of you, and no guilt because you have done nothing wrong.
it just got me really annoyed because any time something like this happens, i am always made to feel guilty and always made to feel like it's down to me to do something.
'hey this guy you have treated no different from anyone else and have no feelings for has a crush on you. poor guy, what are you gonna do about it? you should go out with him anyway to make him feel better.'
it sounds ridiculous when you put it into direct terms like this doesn't it; but that's basically what people are telling you when they make out like it's your problem. people are only going to get even more hurt if you entertain their feelings and try and pretend, because the truth will come out in the end. and besides, you shouldn't feel like you have to 'settle' with someone just because they like you. there'll be other people that like you. people that you like back.
this isn't one way either. i live my life by the same rules.
if i have a crush on a guy and he doesn't feel the same way, that is my problem to deal with, and they are my emotions to unpick. i expect nothing from the guy i am crushing on because it is not his problem that i have developed feelings for him if he doesn't feel the same way.
obviously, if someone has led you to believe they like you too that is toying with someone's emotions and that is a completely different thing; but if someone hasn't given you any signs of liking you back then you can't expect anything from them.
in conclusion. when someone finds out someone they don't have feels for is crushing on them. don't make the person being crushed on feel bad about it and like they 'owe' them something.
sorry for ranting guys, and i know this might be a mean sounding and unpopular opinion but i just needed to get it off my chest.
please comment if you feel the same (or even if you don't) and let me know if any of you girls or guys have had similar experiences of everyone having expectations of you in situations like this.
it would be really interesting to know what other people think and if this is something anyone else has encountered because i feel like it's an area of 'crushing' that no one ever seems to talk about.