Thoughts of The Chem Prince # 2
What I’ve noticed about one way love is that it’s all emotional. There’s no logic behind it. Even if it is... the only rationalizations we come up with is to keep holding on.
Logic and reason tell us the harsh truths and scream at us for being fools in love with someone who quite frankly does not care about us or... due to our fears of confessing is completely oblivious or could be so because the circumstances will not allow for us to communicate our feelings towards them. But I think sometimes people deep down know how you feel for them as you give it away in your eyes, your body language, your words when you speak with them, the tone of your voice and much more.
Emotions are like the ear muffs and rose tinted glasses that block the screams of the harsh truth and the ugliness of the truth. We know that logic is right there screaming at us but we don’t choose to listen.
We become fascinated and addicted to these facades... because after all they are all just mirages. We have on these lens on our eyes where everything is suddenly about them. The love quotes, the romantic songs, your friends wedding, the prayers, your motivations in life, your purpose for living, and etc etc. You try to find them but they are no where to be found or they just dont wanna be found... not by you... which hurts.
It’s like playing hide and seek, and once you find them.. they tell you that they don’t wanna play anymore and just leave. All this search for “the one” is like big hide and seek game. Sometimes our minds are so convinced that we’ve found “the one” no matter how obsurd it is.
Take me for instance... I seriously thought the woman I fell in love with was my other half. Even though the circumstances didn’t allow it at all, and time would tell me that she never did feel for as powerfully as I did. I was naive and foolish. I entered this love with a naive and almost innocent like perspective. What many learn in high school I’ve learned now.
One sided love is just a losing battle. We’ve painted them with our expectations and fantasies. Which is why sometimes when people do end up being with the ones they’ve longed for so long... they’ve realized that they loved the person who they manifested in their own minds instead of who the person actually is. I’m not saying this is always the case... I’m saying it’s possible. It’s like you fell in love with the thrill of chasing them... but once you get them... the thrill is gone and boredom kicks in. But that’s in every relationship once the love chemicals in our mind and body fade away.
It’s hard to accept this... because I still have those ear muffs on... but I’m learning how to take these off and embrace logic and reasoning who scream at me like drill sergeants. Part of me still thinks that maybe she cares just a little. That maybe she loved me too. But that is just my emotions telling me what I wanna believe. Now I’m tryna take this ear muffs off but it’s hard as they are so comfy and cozy. Even tho they are making me deaf from the reality which is ultimately killing me softly and slowly. But day by day they are becoming looser and slowly sliding off.
Now I slowly find myself developing a crush over a woman who doesn’t exist in my life right now. It’s crazy but I’m looking forward to the next woman who can help me pick up all the unlovable pieces about me. But I’ll never make her burden my problems for I am responsible for those.
The Chem Prince