I really wanted it to be you.

I guess everyone says that, but it's true. I didn't think you were The One, but I still wanted it to be you. At least for this season. I wanted to get you presents and to kiss you under the mistletoe and to wake up to you on Christmas morning, your face washed pale as glass in the frosted winter light, your hair like an ink spill all around us. I wanted to hold your hand during silly Christmas gatherings, during walks in the snow, or even when it was just the two of us, standing in an empty hallway, nothing but the sound of our breathing and something unspoken hanging in the air. I wanted to surprise you while you were at work, bring you something every day even after Christmas, just to see you smile. I wanted to kiss you as the year breathed its last, confetti spangled in your hair, as another year slipped in to take its place.

Damn it all.

I really wanted you, but I suppose you were never mine to want.

E = hv