There is a person in my life who I find incredibly frustrating. There were times when I thought that I liked him, and maybe I did, but now I definitely don't. He is someone who I have known for half my life, and I have seen him grow from a pimply, large nosed, awkward teen into a whiny, self loathing adult. I will admit that he is handsome now, and maybe I always found him handsome even then, but I do not like him anymore. I am married and I love my husband and not him. The problem is not in my waking life, but in my dreams. When I was 13 years old, I did not like him. I didn't even like him as a friend. I thought he was annoying and I avoided him like the plague. I blocked him on my chat. Then one night, I had a dream and he was in it. To be honest, I can't remember what the dream was about, promise, but when I woke up, I felt that I had to know him. We became good friends after that. He was intelligent and interesting and had a good perspective on life. He was and always will be one of my best friends. Since then, we have always kept in touch. Sometimes I would counsel him on his love life, and sometimes he would counsel me on mine. Then, we would slip apart for a while and not talk. We might not talk for days, months, a year. Right when I have almost forgotten that he is important to me, I dream of him again. My dreams are hard to explain. It's like he is there, but I only get to be with him for a short while. I almost kiss him, or almost hug him, or just spend time with him, but I know he will be leaving soon. In my dreams, I am always head over heels for him. When I wake up, I wake up wanting to reach out to him again. Wanting to repair the friendship I had almost let die out peacefully. Sometimes I wonder if something like a past life really exists, or an alternate universe, or some weird mad fate where we were or were meant to be together, because as much as I don't like him, and as much as I feel he could disappear from my life, some part of my subconscious drags him back in. It worries me and I don't like it.

10 comments add comment

  • anonymous lover
3 months ago

Key Words: YOU ARE MARRIED NOW.

I think this is not about him at all. This is about you coming to terms with either an unsatisfactory marriage or with the fact that your youth is bye byes now, and you are heading to older you.

Focus on your marriage. Accept your age. Cut complete contact with this guy. Your youth is over. 13 years old is over. Nothing wrong with being and adult or older- contrary to what society wants you to believe. And move on. Be grateful for what you have. Flush this guy down the toilet and think of him no more. EVER. Then the dreams will stop.

I wish you well but must admit- people like you- who have so much more than most of us, and are still not satisfied, annoy the FUCK out of me. Good luck.

  • m
3 months ago

why do you have to be so rude to her? being married and loved doesn't mean the end of all your problems and she's just confinding us her thoughts and feelings. you shouldn't be annoyed. she's struggling to understand what is happening. dreams won't stop no matter what she does and you can't tell someone to stop thinking about someone else, it's not how it works.

  • anonymous lover
3 months ago

I actually thought I was being nice to her- she is married and is, I will wager, NOT telling her husband about all of this. This is a classic example of an emotional affair. Emotional affairs can be more damaging to marriages than physical ones.

I was trying to help her instead of pitying her (pity feels good but is quite worthless).

  • anonymous lover
3 months ago

Something is lacking in your marriage and you gotta communicate it thoroughly about that with your hubby.

  • anonymous lover
3 months ago

PS: depending on who her husband is- if he finds out he could beat the shit out of her- and yes, it CAN work like that. She’s not a baby, she can discipline her mind to stop thinking about this never-was. And get back to her MARRIAGE (does that word mean anything to anyone anymore?!?!)

  • m
3 months ago

you probably were, but what sounds nice to you, may not be for other people, i guess. and i'm with you, emotional affairs can be more damaging than physical ones, but i don't think she's proud of what she's feeling, therefore we shouldn't be judginh her. if she was a heartless person, she wouldn't come here and tell us how she keeps dreaming about this other guy even when she's married. guilty is painful too. you have a point i guess, and i respect it... but being a bit more delicate has nothing to do with pity.

  • anonymous lover
3 months ago

Sorry if I was too blunt or too rough on her.

Maybe it’s my own issue too. I’d love to be married. A husband is a dream of mine. Instead despite my best efforts I am evidently regulated to eye candy, trophy gf, or fuck-meat. Hence my annoyance. I have a brain and a heart too and would gladly trade all my past male acquaintances in and never give them one thought ever again for what she has.

  • m
3 months ago

judging*** oh lord.

anyway, everyone works in a different way. i get that what she told us may upset people because it's not fair to the person she's married to, but i think we should try and find ways to help her, not judge. that's the point. maybe she should talk to her partner so she can be honest with him and perhaps this will help her figure out what is happening. or perhaps she needs to figure this out alone. i don't know. and YES that word means something, but if someone in a marriage shut up about their feelings and their struggles, the marriage will definitely fall apart. i think talking and trying to understand your feelings is the best thing you can do. it is painful and unfair, yes, but these type of things happen. what we can do is repair the damage and i'm sure she's trying to.

  • AO
3 months ago

Universally agreed that this not fair to the husband, yes? She needs to talk to him more than us yes?

  • m
3 months ago

oh, don't be. really. i understand you were only trying to help, but see, she must be feeling the same way, you know? perhaps she dreamt to be married and now she is and everything is falling apart. feelings are fucked up sometimes. we can only hope that she'll figure out and will be honest with her partner and everything will be okay.

anyway, i'm the one who should apologise. i just don't believe in a perfect relationship or love. i think we all struggle at some point, even if we love the person we're with. and that's okay. it's only an obstacle that we must pass, but i know now you were only trying to help.

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