oh, there's something there, for sure. i just don't know what it is. i want to believe that it's something more than obligation or acquaintance or congruent cognition. better yet, i want to know that it's something more.

but there's this part of myself that doesn't want to know that we have something more; this part of myself wants to know if we have something more.

this part reflects my worst insecurities, fear of failure, impatience, and passivity. it's the part that wants to know if i'm just augmenting and overanalyzing our interactions because i can't see them from your perspective. speaking of which, i also really want to know what that perspective is. i want to know if my intentions are worth pursuing. perhaps most of all i want to know if my paltry inhibitions are justifiable under the likelihood of impending rejection. i want to know that i'm not just so pitifully self-conscious for no reason. i want to know, know, know because i am sick and tired of watching and waiting and watching and watching and waiting more and more and waiting for years, acting like something is destined to come to me one day. i want to know because time is not something i have much of, and i don't want to waste it. and although love is something i do, in fact, have much of, i don't want to waste it, either.

i just want to know, because, you know, i can deal with no. i can deal with know.

13 comments add comment

  • anonymous lover
8 months ago

I've learned that things are only destined to happen when you make them happen.

  • anonymous lover
8 months ago

I like this and understand.

  • anon
7 months ago

If you're a guy who's really into this girl, then why not give it a shot and take heart and make the first move. Befriend her and get to know her better. If you see that you guys click, ask her on a date. Don't let the fear of rejection hold you back. Courage, dude.

  • the person who wrote dis
7 months ago

@anonymous lover #1: thanks for the comment, dude, i totally agree.

@anonymous lover #2: thank u :")

@anon: thanks so much for the encouragement, dude. only problem is i'm not a guy. i mean i guess the advice is still considerably applicable but like 20% less so due to social stereotypes. but then again. "social stereotypes." i'll be thinkin on that

  • hopeless romantic
6 months ago

I love everything about this. I’m in the same exact boat almost every day of my life and it’s comforting to know that someone else is there too.

  • anonymous lover
6 months ago

Damn, if I didn't know better, I'd have thought I wrote this and forgot about it. We share a voice, a style.

But I encourage you to act on it, unless there are reasons you specifically can't, it shouldn't.

As someone who missed a lot of opportunities in life, and regrets it, I encourage you to take a more adventurous path.

Regret resulting from rejection is temporary. Regret stemming from inaction lasts a lot longer.

  • Pho
6 months ago

“Regret resulting from rejection is temporary. Regret stemming from inaction lasts a lot longer.”

I can’t agree more. This applies to both relationships and work.

  • anonymous lover
6 months ago

It's like you read my mind ❤

  • Neko-tan
6 months ago

I really like this letter and it's relatable af

  • hh
6 months ago

this is one of the best written letters i’ve ever seen on this site

  • took my leap
6 months ago

Dear op,

I've read loads of pieces here. But I couldn't resist commenting on this.

Reading this, I felt like I had written it. The me of almost one month ago. Every sentiment that you've penned down, exactly my situation.

But one month ago, I decided to tell him. Like you, I just wanted to know. I decided I could handle the no, but not kwowing was absolutely so much worse. So I told him. And it went better than I thought it would.

But I do realise that it could have gone either way. And that is scary. Taking the first step is terrifying.

But trust me, knowing is so much better than hanging in the air. If it's a no, you can finally move on without any what ifs. And if it works out, well then nothing better is there?

I hope this comment finds you. Ultimately do what you want to do.

But I was you and I took the leap and I hope you take yours.

If you like this person, then they are probably mature and nice to you in which case there is nothing to be afraid of. Trust them to handle your feelings with care even if the feelings are not reciprocated.

Love yourself, no matter what. All the best.

  • the person who wrote dis
4 months ago

@everyone who commented:

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH OH MY GOD. i am unbelievably flattered and even more encouraged by your kind words, not only because it's ridiculously shocking to find that so many people understand what i mean but mostly because i've always thought it would be stupid of myself to share my writing. writing was something i kind of scoffed at for a while, and though i have been told i should share mine more... idk, i just never did. but sharing this has brought a SHOCKING amount of positive feedback, and i'm not gonna lie -- i'm actually reconsidering my career choices (i'm a freshman in college rn, so don't worry; i have a lot of room to do that).

ANYWAY i'm SOOOOOO grateful for y'all's positive feedback. it's extremely encouraging and helpful.

most of all, i'm most glad that i am able to share this piece with others and find that they appreciate it and relate to it. thank you.

  • the person who wrote dis
4 months ago

another thing i forgot to mention in my comment:

things are actually going pretty well. it has literally taken months but i think that is simply due to the nature of our friendship/the nature of the person. it's been pretty darn frustrating and actually hope-sucking sometimes, but where we are now makes me happy and i'm glad we've gotten here. still going to take some time, though, to see where this is really going. for now we're good friends. and i appreciate that.

i'll update this thread again once something actually important happens.

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