oh, there's something there, for sure. i just don't know what it is. i want to believe that it's something more than obligation or acquaintance or congruent cognition. better yet, i want to know that it's something more.
but there's this part of myself that doesn't want to know that we have something more; this part of myself wants to know if we have something more.
this part reflects my worst insecurities, fear of failure, impatience, and passivity. it's the part that wants to know if i'm just augmenting and overanalyzing our interactions because i can't see them from your perspective. speaking of which, i also really want to know what that perspective is. i want to know if my intentions are worth pursuing. perhaps most of all i want to know if my paltry inhibitions are justifiable under the likelihood of impending rejection. i want to know that i'm not just so pitifully self-conscious for no reason. i want to know, know, know because i am sick and tired of watching and waiting and watching and watching and waiting more and more and waiting for years, acting like something is destined to come to me one day. i want to know because time is not something i have much of, and i don't want to waste it. and although love is something i do, in fact, have much of, i don't want to waste it, either.
i just want to know, because, you know, i can deal with no. i can deal with know.