I think the thing that I really beat myself up about is the fact I never had the courage to tell him how I felt. I had so many opportunities to do it. I was so afraid of being rejected by him. I didn’t want to go through with another heartbreak. That’s my problem. I am always making excuses for why I can’t do something. Enough is enough. I’m tired of missing out on opportunities. I regret so much never telling the guy that I still till this day love, that he has always been the one. I regret never showing him that I care. He is now with someone else. It’s a never ending cycle...I always would wait till he would break up and then tell myself to go for it but I never could. Waiting isn’t going to get me anywhere though. I finally worked up the courage to last year to message him and show him how much I truly care for him. I still don’t know if it ever got through to him or not. I just wish more than anything I could spill it all out to him. But I know I can’t do that while he’s with someone else, no matter how much I don’t like the girl. And how bad I think she is for him. I would never try to ruin a realationship. Does it hurt? Of course it does.

I blame myself for most of this but also him.

Both of us are to blame. He could never admit how he felt just as I could never admit it. It sucks when two people have such a strong chemistry between them and it feels like they are tied together by a knot but the magnetic force always keep them apart and they can never be together.

That is what it feels like. The force is so strong between us why can’t one day the two magnetic just come together.