I want to tell you that I like you so bad. You're so unlike any of the other guys that I've had things with or crushes on. You're unbelievably smart, and so sweet, and a little bit awkward, and even though you're soft-spoken I know just how funny and sassy you can be once you come out of your shell, and all I want to do is learn everything about you. I've never been so infatuated with anyone like you; I know that you've never had a relationship and you're kinda shy and I probably have to make the first move. My best friend swears that you like me, but the more I start to like you the more vulnerable I become and the more unsure and nervous I am about opening up to you. But I love having conversations with you about literally anything, and I love seeing your smile and your eyes and your dumb messy hair. And everything you do is cute, even when it shouldn't be: cooking, baking, playing the bagpipes, juggling, chemistry, puzzles, making memes, running marathons. You're the only person that could convince me to leave the dorm at 3 am to go sledding with a group of dudes I've never met, because I know i'm safe with you. You're the only person I would stay up late before my 8 ams to finish watching stranger things with you, or harry potter movies, or the lord of the rings, or some stupid nerdy card game that I don't even get how to play. I've started going to church and bible study again partly because you're so devout and you've convinced me. You have no idea just how wonderful you are to me, absolutely no idea.
And I want to tell you everything. I want to get hot chocolate with you, and go sledding with you, and have snowball fights, and run marathons, and do chemistry studying, and have you teach me juggling and me teach you sign language, and all the little things that we already do, but I want to be more than what we are. You have no idea how close I was to just being honest a few nights ago, when it was just us watching bird videos at like 1 am in the study room. Every time I caught your eyes I stopped thinking about anything else but just spilling everything out. I like you so much, and I have for a while but I don't think I've known it until now. And you're so good, just so pure and kind and genuine, more than anyone I've ever come across. Even when you're anxious or frustrated or grumpy and sleep deprived, you still are so kind and warm-hearted. I'm scared that i'm not pure or honest or godly enough for you, and I'm so scared that you won't like me back, or that someone better will come along and get you, because you really deserve the best.
I want to hug you so bad, I just want to hold you and know that you're mine. I want to talk to you so badly, and I've almost worked up the courage to, I promise. I just don't know how. You're so important to me and if I screw this up I lose one of the greatest friends I've ever gotten to know, even though we just met about 5 months ago. I thought you were going to kiss me, that night when we were alone. I really wished you had. I wished I had kissed you. Or even hugged you, or held your hand. I gave you a pat on your shoulder because I had to touch you, I just had to, but I didn't know if you'd like me. I still don't know. I really hope you do.
And I hope that if you don't, that it's not weird and we can still be friends. I just don't want to lose you, and I would hate to not ever know if we could have been something more.
I need to stop being a baby. I promise I'll tell you soon.