LTC I need help/advice/wisdom/something:

So a few months ago I contacted a friend I had reconnected with at the beginning of the year. We’ve known each other since elementary school, and we were even locker buddies all throughout high school. I had a crush on him numerous times but never acted on anything.

Anyways, I reached out because our friend group would go out for drinks occasionally and I was trying to organize something. Keep in mind, I knew he had a girlfriend of about 3 years and I knew he was very serious with her and so I was being Completely innocent and friend-like.

It came to my knowledge they had broken up, and had been for awhile now, but he had said he was going to try to make things work out if possible. So I still wasn’t phased. Anyways we met for drinks with friends and hung out the entire weekend and had a blast. So we planned to do it the weekend later, except in his city.

so this is where things get confusing....

So we were doing drinks as per usual. And the first night his ex messaged him needed a place to stay. And him, being the nice guy he is, let her stay. In fact, she slept in the same bed as me. But she was clearly using him. She demanded to be dropped off at a certain time in the morning. So he woke up extra early, made breakfast. And she fell back asleep and said she didnt need to be dropped off anymore. He tried cuddling with her and she kind of shrugged him off. It was just kind of shitty to watch.

After she left, we ended up drinking again and he was starring at me a lot that night. keep in mind wed been consistenrly talking since I reached out and was becoming a very close friend. So we went out and got way too drunk, danced together, and made our way back to his house. When we reached there I was very drunk and he asked if I wanted to sleep in the same bed so I didn’t have to sleep on the blow up mattress. And I didn’t think anything of it because I thought he was trying to work things out with her. But then he ended up cuddling with me all night. Nothing happened and it was all very sweet. He never tried to do anything with me at all.


I woke up and he was still cuddling me. I dismissed the entire thing as just a drunk night ans we left.

Fast forward to us still talking everyday, and I went and visited the city. He invited me to come over and watch movies, and again he cuddled me. So my dumb ass realized that he could have feelings.

Anyways. Fast forward to now, still keeping strong contact, and he says he is still trying to make things work with her, but he said she’s doing things he’s not happy with and hes just going to see if things naturally pan out, and if not, he will let life happen.

Now. My thoughts on the entire thing: I think he has feelings. But I know from experience when it comes to a long term relationship that it’s hard to let go of the past. And I don’t blame him for that at all. I think he is seeing what happens with her, and kind of investing in me in the meantime. I don’t want to put my feelings into this because I don’t know what’s going to happen.... but I find myself not being able to help it. And he’s truly one of my best friends. We understand each other so well and our humour is complimentary. I’m not sure what to do or think. But I’m just trying to give him space with the situation and continue talking to him. But I also don’t want his ex to come after me or to start drama.


If you read this far, I’m so thankful. And I would be even more thankful is you have your input!

- The Redhead

4 comments add comment

  • Grace HT
5 years ago

I agree on the giving him space. If the ex is still around then I don't know f he's ready for a new relationship. But if he literally has feelings for you... *shrug* I might be wrong. This is a very complicated situation. I hope everything turns out alright! Good luck :)

  • anonymous lover
5 years ago

If you want to be friends, be friends. No cuddling or doing anything that could be perceived as romantic. If he makes any advances, explain to him that it’s clear he still has feelings for his ex and if the line between friendship and something more starts to blur, it will only make things more difficult for both of you. You really have to set boundaries because, trust me, you are in for serious heartbreak and complications if you don’t. And so is he.

  • anonymous lover
5 years ago

I would say it's smart to keep some distance. He doesn't need to ride the fence. If he gets to a point where he lets her go and pursues you, awesome. If he does the opposite, awesome. If he tries to keep the fence and you feel yourself falling for it, you'll have to draw a line

  • The Redhead
5 years ago

Thanks for everyone who has commented so far! I really appreciate the insight and you guys are helping me get some clarity in the situation. A BIG thank you

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