the five of us sat around the craft table, as we usually did when there wasn’t much else to do at youth group besides eat snacks we’d eaten too much of already and play sports we were too tired to play. i got him to laugh a couple times, which made me happy ‘cause when he laughs he looks sorta like a dolphin.
we were sitting next to each other, he and i, and his craft was a crumpled mess. so, i started to help him, and suddenly we were laughing and joking and fumbling thing between two pairs of clumsy hands, and in that moment-
i felt it; it was like, a physical snapping into place of two puzzle pieces that had been trying and trying and failing and failing to fit together for forever.
and suddenly, for the first time in nearly three years, i wasn’t nervous around him anymore. my hands stopped shaking and my words ceased to come out as a stutter or gurgle, and when we talked, i could actually make eye contact.
he has blue eyes, but they’re not JUST blue. they’re, like, the color of that weird but oddly good blue-lemonade from the pizza place downtown, or the color of the sky in late june when elementary school has just let out, or how the ocean looks when you’re standing on the edge of the water and looking out and out and out until it melts into the sky.
he has nostalgia eyes, and when he laughs he looks like a dolphin.
i’m so screwed, aren’t i?
i’m so totally screwed.