I had a feeling last time that he would come back, that it wouldn't actually be the last time. I had a feeling that I would need to build up my defenses and put on more armor to prepare for the future, because it surely wouldn't be the last time.
And what do you know? Just a couple months later he's back and knocking on my door, expecting to be let in like the millions of times before. But I was prepared this time. I wasn't playing around this time. How dare he text me and ask to see me with just a moment's notice. As if he hadn't learned anything! As if he didn't notice last time that something wasn't right! He still has no idea of the damage that he has done...of the scars that he repeatedly rips open again and again.
It was the first time in 9 years that when he asked to see me, I simply said no thanks. Never before have I just said no thanks. And he made himself such a victim in response, he never wondered for a minute that maybe the reason I didn't want to see him was because I was done with handing bullets to someone so they could keep shooting me. He responded with a single, stupid, lame frowny face. And then when I didn't take the bait, he simply said "now I'm sad." As if it's my responsibility to provide happiness for him, whenever he needs it and regardless of the years of him stabbing me in the back. I'm not his hype-girl.
And I'm done being his Plan B girl too. He can't just demand to have me when it's convenient for him but treat me like shit the rest of the time. And pretend like we're "friends", how absurd. Friends don't behave this way.
He asked if I was okay, pointed out that I "seemed a little off" and that I "wasn't acting like the girl he knew and loved."
How dare you! You don't love me, or you wouldn't treat me like this. And you for sure as hell don't know me. You don't know me anymore. You are simply a stranger. You think I seem "off" because I'm not falling at your feet like I did before, you think I seem off because when you commanded me to jump I didn't respond with "how high?" You think I'm not okay, because you aren't used to me not giving you exactly what you want.
How dare you...