It wasn’t the flowers or the music or necessarily the romantic things that got me.  It was you going out of your way for me.  Whether it was sitting by me when there was a guy that made me feel uncomfortable. Or It was you trying to make me feel better on my down days in the ways you could. It was you finding silly ways to make me laugh. It was you finding ways to make me smile and to know me when our hands were tied. It was you making me feel attractive when I was at my worst. 

I don’t actually have the time to meet someone new and build rapport with them with everything I’m up to these days.  So i haven’t been trying to actively date, which feels really nice. It’s also nice knowing I feel attractive now without needing a boyfriend to reaffirm it. It’s nice feeling valuable without being co-dependent on a romantic relationship. It’s nice knowing I am loved even if not romantically.  I feel good. Despite craving the romantic love I have not had in so many years. I haven’t been kissed in six years, and for the first time, I want that. I want a boy to tell me he loves me, it’s been Six years.

But I do know that if I’m going to put away time for someone else, I want someone that was as considerate and thoughtful of my feelings as you were. I hope they’ll be clever.  I hope they’ll be silly. I hope they’ll love me romantically in the way I crave but I can’t find in just anyone - with consideration and reverence. 

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