A whole book of what-if's wrote itself in my head over the last few hours. Most of them are nonsense and wishful thinking. In all of it, a small, pleasant ache stirred below my calm exterior. This ache is a flourishing admiration for a man I've enjoyed watching for a few years (well, it was 2002 when I first became aware of him, so maybe more than a few.)

There have been moments I've rested on the words and the sounds created through the years, but I've usually managed to keep myself in check. I'm no longer able to constrain this feeling.

Waves of fright for myself circle back into my mind for how strongly I adore him. I wish I were more than I am, so I could reach out without fear of being brushed off. For every moment I have etched in my mind of interacting with him, I doubt he can pinpoint exactly where we've met before, though he probably does have a sense of slight familiarity by this point.

It is wonderful to feel so much. It is terrible to feel this much.

I really need a nickname for you. I hope you have a beautiful and fulfilling day.

-Home