How can you love someone this much and feel so crappy?

You're supposed to work in relationships. Not throw them away. That's always been my philosophy. But it's been easy. I throw out the ones I tested out that felt wrong. But once I committed for years and once I became the one that cared THIS much to the point of near insanity... even if things are bad... this is what commitment is. You keep working. Keep trying. But fuck.

I'm dying just to get the minimum from you sometimes and its fucking killing me. How can someone be so cruel with their words and still be in the right? I cant handle this. I need you. I love you. So what the fuck?