L, you'll never read this letter, so I know in my heart it'll be okay to write some heart-feelings here in order to have the closure I need to move on, maybe saying it will clear my mind, or I'll magically achieve the Vulcan kolinahr ability and all of my remaining emotions surrounding this will fade to nothing in time.

Maybe I'll study again, or find a way to be a part of a working environment in a new place, with new people, who won't feel the need to sabotage me, but for now, that's all going to be one tiny step at a time, I guess.

At the moment, all I really want to tell you is how much it hurt, I am still hurt, I've cried almost everyday since it happened — to give you so much kindness only to have to hear and then read words from you that broke my heart even more. I really cared about you, I thought you were just so funny and weird and friendly and interesting to talk to, then, I'm forced to see another side of you, the opposite of friendly, and another side to the place I'd come to love, a rumour mill without good intentions. 

Seeing that not only broke my heart, but also my trust in people, especially in the girl who claims to be your best friend by stepping in to gossip about me, at a time when I cannot defend myself, is that really a friend? I never ever thought of you like that, I'm so upset that you acted that way, and why? What joy did it bring you to know I was still upset, to know that I could no longer see you in the same light?

Just so you know, I never had a bad thing to say about you, even in amongst everything I wrote in my "journal" after it happened, (though, to clarify, no one can see that apart from those people I trust, it turns out, I trusted the wrong people at this job entirely), the only thing I spoke of was how hurt I was, and one day, I hope you'll know what that feels like, to have someone you trust turn a feeling into a reason to rip the ground out from under you.

This past week, I had hoped you would say sorry, I had hopes that you wouldn't leave it like this, that you'd send an email, asking if we could at least talk it out, but you didn't, and realising that you never cared at all, just hurt even more.

Today my name was said, I'm told you looked up, you acknowledged it, I know that much. I mended the badge and gave it back.

If this would have been the other way around, I would have apologised, made you tea and hugged you, because kindness comes before anything else, it's all part of being a human.

Maybe one day, you'll read this, and the journal entry I wrote, maybe one day you'll understand why it hurt.

You should email and try to patch it up, I never asked for you to say any of what you said, neither did I ever think it would turn out this way.

— E.