There's a darkside to love. There's a fragility that I never knew existed. Exactly one month out from our 3 year anniversary we got in a fight. You told me it was over. We were both angry and hurt. The biggest fight we've ever been in. I pleaded with you. I begged you not to give up. I asked you why this fight outweighed all the good.

I've never begged before. I've never felt so desperate before.

You told me you had to decide this tonight because if you waited til morning you'd change your mind.

So I said goodbye. And I hung up the phone. I cried on the kitchen floor of my empty apartment.

I called my mom and my sister and talked for an hour. I was sobbing. I thought it was over. My heart was broken.

Turns out, you called your mom too. Turns out, you regretted everything. Turns out, you realized your mistake.

You want to fix things. I do too, because I can't stop loving you.

But at the same time, it will take time. Because I am so so hurt and betrayed. The only reason any of this worked was because of trust. That trust has been obliterated and was the second you wanted to end things.

Because everything we did, we did looking to the future. In an instant, I lost my best friend and my whole life, everything was upside down.

Now we're trying right this. But, for now, we live only in the present. I can't look to a future with you anymore because all I feel is the wincing pain and fear of you walking away.

The biggest fight we've ever been in almost ruined everything. Maybe somethings are just ruined. Maybe somethings can be rebuilt. Who am I to know?

All I do know is, I still love you and it would be easier to hate you. All I do know is, the thought of changing your name in my phone, and the wallpaper screen and not saying goodnight to you, tears me apart, more than this ever could.


4 comments add comment

  • anonymous lover
9 months ago

I hope you are okay.

  • anonymous lover
9 months ago

Please be okay. Stay strong!

  • Shrewd Girl
9 months ago

I FEEL YOUR PAIN, in the same boat. Sending love your way.

  • Tasha
9 months ago

How much we love someone matters less than how we treat one another. Maybe you're both young and haven't learned how to navigate arguments in a healthy manner yet. Just know that if he keeps breaking up with you every time you have an argument, he's not the one for you, no matter how it may feel like he is.

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