So. I used to write on this site quite a bit, particularly in high school. Now I'm about to graduate with a master's degree, and I've been solidly firm in my identity as an aromantic asexual for a few years now. It's surreal seeing some of my old letters. I can't discredit my past feelings, even if upon reflection they weren't what I thought they were. They were still real. I did love Joe, and later Kirsten, it just wasn't romantic or sexual. And now, I love Gabriella, and continue to love Sammy and Kara, and Sydney and Abigail even regardless of our differences, just as intensely as I imagine anyone loves their romantic significant others.

And the issue of Joe is a strange one, but honestly it shouldn't be. Sure, he's the only boy on this list, but it is only for that reason that he's the one I was the most convinced this must be romantic feelings. Heteronormative amatonormativity led to me believing this love I felt for Joe was the kind of soul mate, lifelong love that ultimately, I just don't want or have any attraction to. I have made friendships that are so much more intense than anything I felt for Joe with almost every female friend I have. My god I love my female friends. I've been surrounded by strong women my whole life, being the last of 5 daughters and having several sets of female friend circles. I am so glad for my current friend circle, my roommates whom I love an intensely ridiculous amount.

But this love is not romantic nor is it sexual. And trust me, I have debated this for years. Am I in love with Gabriella, or am I just intensely filled with love for her? After years, it is more clear than ever that any feelings I have had throughout my life fall into the latter category. And I am so happy with that.

I can't invalidate the feelings I thought I had back in high school, but neither am I going to invalidate the intensity of the feelings I have for my roommates and friends today.