Dear you,
I needed to let this out because this has been brewing in my mind for the past one week. You’ll never read this, but at least other strangers in this vast world of ours will – at least someone will know these feelings and thoughts. Longing, frustration, anger, and just a tinge of regret.
There are so many things I want to share with you – so many things I could endlessly talk about with you. Something that I realize I don’t have with others. I don’t bare my soul to anyone else, at least not now.
The reality is, you decided to end our friendship and I’ll have to respect your decision.
In the past 24 hours, under the influence of alcohol, I’ve been weighing the option of begging, or possibly just texting you and ask if we can try this out again.
But it seems like my dignity is priced way more than our friendship – even more so, with the fact that I want to respect your decision, so I won’t proceed with these ideas and just settle with this e-letter.
I remember questioning why you didn’t want to rely or depend on people, and me being me, I was asking you to open yourself a little bit because there may be opportunities that you miss because of this habit. It’s ironic now how much I regret, in this very moment, for depending on you so much to be this person that I want you to be. It’s not even like I want to change you – it’s just that you were this comfort zone that I always had and maybe that’s me for you too. I am so angry that I managed to let this happen – this attachment - because now I understand why you put up the walls that you do – feeling the brunt and hurt from this accident, has been affecting me in ways that I didn’t think it could.
I don’t blame you, and I don’t blame me either. I just blame the time and conditions of that day, that moment, that led us to this situation.
Each person is different, special, and so are the moments shared. I may meet someone in the future whom I’ll get to experience the same stories as you do, but today, and since yesterday and the last few days. I miss you. This letter is sloppy, contradictive to the line of work that I do – but you’d probably laugh and realize, yeah, this is because of the lack of sleep or oxygen.
I miss you, but I hope you’re doing well. I really want you to be happy.
Best,
NK