posting this to keep on record: had my first kiss last night. and it wasn't with the one I've written hundreds of sad letters about. this one, he appeared from thin air. he treats me better than the subject of 90% of my writings.
moral of the story: don't plan your future and expect it to go exactly your way. that person, the one that will make you forget every ounce of hurt you've ever felt, will come along when the time is right. don't fret about what was or what's waiting for you.