Dear M

It is absolutely horrible when  the full consequences of "lost opportunities" show themselves to you, in waves you cannot stop and moments that you do not want to live but have to.

It is absolutely terrible to know that you gave your heart and unconditional love to someone that abused you for years.

And it is equally terrible to know that I will never know if things would have been different had I met you earlier, and fallen in love with you before I met him. 

I love you but in the weirdest, most contrived way.

I know your darkness and you know mine, but I also know every good thing that lies in your heart as you know mine. I know the things that you don't say and you can unravel the things that I leave unsaid, even when I'm saying too much.

We have come to that level of intimacy that a relationship would be hard, and we carry so much baggage from our past, so much resentment over our choices.

Too many people would try to be involved and, a few in particular, could make it very hard for me to love you openly.

Still, I wondered about us and I loved you as a dear friend.

Now you are falling in love with someone else and this is my definite cue to stop wondering, to break the intimacy and to let you go, dear friend. 

But let me say it one last time, I love you to the moon and back.

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