Dear Future Baby,
Merry belated Christmas and happy 2020 to you! I am writing your annual Christmas letter late this year because I've been busy having fun. It has been such a contrast compared to last year, which was arguably the darkest period of my life to date. It felt so good to have a carefree Christmas again, playing dumb games with my cousins, drinking and thinking that these are the moments that I want to remember forever. I wish that you were there.
I always have thought that when or if I fell in love with a man that I saw being in my future, I would want him to be here for this, as a way to fit in my past as well. But you weren't here, and I very strongly suspect that this was the last time my family will gather here at this home for Christmas. Next year, and all future years, the traditions will be talked about as memories from the past because we are not in this home. I have no idea how things will change, but they will undoubtedly be different.
I wanted so badly to bring you here for this. Baby, I'm filled with sadness that I didn't meet you soon enough to share this with you. But I'm sure that God's timing will be good, and all will be well. I do wish you could have witnessed this beside me though. It's okay.
Baby, I'm simply burning to share stories with you. I'm aching to have you here with me, to watch you laugh and joke with my family. Anyways, just know that I'm thinking of you. I'm working to make myself a better woman, both for myself and for you. I know that I am not easy to develop feelings for...I'm guarded and selective and full of swirling emotions. But I promise that I am capable of so much love, so much love for you.
Love,
Your future baby