I fell in love with a boy who never saw me. He was the first boy I thought was cute. I still wonder if he ever sees me now, anytime we pass each other.

Then I fell in love with a boy who waved back at me. He was the first boy to ever like me back. He taught me how to share my opinion. He taught me how to be listened to a respected. He taught me how to respect others I didn't agree with. He taught me how to say I love you. He taught me I love holding hands and giving hugs. He taught me to never settle just because it's a first love.

Then I fell in love with a boy who hardly said a word to me. He loved to fish and would sing off-key to his music when no one was looking. His face was serious and quiet but a sudden ray of sunshine when he laughed. He taught me how to be at peace within the world. He taught me how to accept the fate of liking someone who sees you but doesn't like you back.

Then I fell in love with a boy who I could hardly stand. It was more brotherly love than anything, and he taught me the joy of banter. No one have I ever picked on as much as that boy. He taught me to not take things too seriously. He taught me that some guys are just meant to be friends, and that having fun together doesn't mean you're in love with him.

Then I fell in love briefly with a boy who took me out dancing. He taught me how to feel confident and safe with my partner. He taught me what it's like to trust someone to take a leap of faith in something that seems scary. He taught me how to have fun even when I didn't know what I was doing. He taught me how I want to feel when I fall in love.

Now I've fallen in love with a boy who is never afraid to look at me. It's in his nature to make direct eye contact and to push social boundaries. He is impossible to read, and I can never tell if I am any different in his eyes than anyone else. He is teaching me to have confidence in who I am even if I'm not positive that I'm being seen. He's teaching me the courage to be purely myself even when it's unconventional or unexpected. He's teaching me to desire to be accepted as I truly am than to change to be noticed. He's teaching me to survive without him. That makes me love him more, and yet it teaches me I shouldn't let myself love him at all.



3 comments add comment

  • anonymous lover
one month ago

You already ARE loving him! You realize that, right?!

  • untamed flame
one month ago

I love how this is written <3

  • Love
one month ago

This is beautifully written, yet bittersweet too. I wish you all the best in love, just as I wish the same for myself.

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