I’m turning 21 tomorrow, I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’ve never been in love. Here are some thoughts:
I’m okay with that, it has taken me a while to be okay with that. In high school I had so many, multiple crushes and was close to it being something with someone. It took me a long time to get over that person. I moved away for college, it’s been a lonely time and I’m embracing this time of loneliness and time for myself to find out who I am.
I haven’t had a crush in a long time, I get into a cycle and I guess I’m trying to focus on my mental health. I always fall for people that never feel the same way.
There’s a part of me that’s scared of that love, being vulnerable and someone knowing so much about you. Maybe it’s because I’m in a new place, and no one truly knows me here. Maybe I’m scared I’ll leave again and it’ll all be for nothing. I don’t know, I get ahead of myself.
Point is, 21 years. I’m trying to be okay with that. Someone, someday, maybe will know me like that and mean something so much to me. I’ll be patient, keep my heart hoping, but there’s a slight dilemma in my head. So I don’t know what I’m doing, I guess trying to keep my heart open while also focusing on myself. I don’t know if that’s achievable, but we’ll see what 21 brings. I hope it’s a little bit of both.