HELP me find Mike .C / Laternight from the area DC

so

I have to get things off my mind.

And since I don't know any other platform, i decided here will be the place that I vent. And seek help

There used to be this boy. For a very long time, we talked on KIK. It was all very fun and games but he also got me. And it didn't take long before, years back, i had serious feelings for him. But he made sure to tell me it wouldn't happen cause of the distance.

Fast forward to last year september-october. Or ealier. I was in a very bad mental state. And in that moment he thought it was GREAT to say hey i like you. Which of course all ended in tears. It got to a point where i completely shut down, surrounded with ALL my shit. And I deleted the KIK app.

This guy even made up a Facebook to reach me. With the name "Sin Hard" and no friends or profile picture. What a champ!

Anyway on 1ste of december i wrote a long letter (to apologise and explain why I completely shut down) to him and send it on Fb, I texted on Kik and everything but nothing anymore.

The weird thing is, stupid things remind me of him. Like the stupid male character in my book who is strong, a dichhead and funny. And that's all him you know.

I texted from time to time, even made a new profile on kik because I was like "he probably blocked me and that's why he doesn't receive my messages. i texted when the pandemic hit and all.

And things going a little south right now, and me reading that book again (rereading) I can't help but want to reach him so I can say like hey, you were a really good friend and I'm really sorry I put you through my mental state. (I was honestly in deep).

So now since like yesterday I have this bad habit where I stalk text him, complaining and telling what i have been up to and how things are. (I know, I know it sounds kinda excessive and dumb and probably psycho crazy). But it gets worse because I texted Kik to ask hey is this profile like up anymore or deleted? Because well even more dumb if I'm texting something that doesn't exist anymore.

Anyway I'm not sure where I'm going with this but I feel like I need to reach him and say sorry and you know just say sorry.

So

if anyone has advice, let's hear it.

OR Mike .C if you're reading this, please get back to me? (If you want at all). (Also i have a big feeling you're not on here)

OR if ANYONE ANYONE on here knows a Mike .C or Laternight (username on KIK) that's from the area of DC Washington (he vaguely told me something like that). Please get word out?

Please.

Thank you