i wish i hadn't been so afraid to ask you more. to know you more. to love you more. but i also wish you hadn't broken my heart so many times. it made it so hard to trust you. to open up to you. even when i thought i could get over it. even when i thought i could convince myself it was okay. i guess in the end, it wasn't. and i guess in the end, you still chose to walk away despite everything i gave you. all the love i showed you. and the way i let you back into my life without any real consequences.

why did it have to be this way? i don't think there will ever really be an answer to that question. but it still comes to mind.. because i really wanted you to be my person. and i wanted to be your person. but this past and history we have between us. the way you are. and the way i am. those are things that haven't really changed. so for now, and maybe forever, it won't be you. i can't let you destroy me like that again.