Dear A,

I've liked you ever since I first met you. And when I heard your voice...you melted me like butter. So beautiful, so serene, so...warm. I could listen to you talk for days unending.

When I saw your face for the first time, I couldn't believe who I saw. A woman so sweet, so gorgeous that you didn't just leave me speechless. I was awestruck. I still am. Every. Single. Time. I see you. You've a kind soul. In your heart, I can see that you want what's right, what's fair, for everyone. You're a graceful person in everything you do. When I see you for the first time each day, I'm instantly calmed. You're trustworthy, reliable, and so poised. Your head is always high, no matter how you're treated, or what task you're doing.

God...your laugh! Not a single song in this world could ever compare. Whether it's the delayed one you have when you don't know you've said something funny, or the cute chuckle you get when you are telling a joke, or the really giggly one you get when someone makes a joke, they're all my favorite sound. The best part is, I get to hear a new laugh from you with each passing day.

You already know how beautiful I think you are...so I'm sure you know I like you. Like isn't the right word, though. I'm captivated by you. From the moment we met, I wanted to hear everything you have to say. It's difficult to put into words the emotional sensation of admiring you. What I feel towards you, it feels...whole. Healthy. And so, so right. There's not a bigot on this planet who could convince me my admiration for you is impure. I've never felt so sure of my feelings toward a person. When I think about how I feel for you, it feels safe. I feel protected.

I want to grow closer to you. I want to grow with you. It truly feels like I've hit the Mega Millions, having met you, come to know you, spend time with you, and call you my friend. Becoming your partner would take    irrational odds. Yet a small part of me, the part of me that says they're ready to try to love and be loved again, so deeply wants you to call my number (pun intended).

The other parts of me are afraid. Not of my feelings for you, no, but of relinquishing the safety of burying the love I want to give. I've been hurt so many times, so it's not you I'm afraid of hurting me. I'm terrified of ever making you feel how so many men have made me feel. Of being so scared to love you that I neglect you. I could never consciously do that. I couldn't bring myself to become a part of your life and hurt you. I'll do all I can to protect you, always. And if that means containing my admiration for you in my heart, stowing it away from your eyes, and allowing it to dissolve into the friendship we have over the course of time, then I'll happily do so.

It won't make my heart beat any less erratically when I reread the card you gave me, or read texts from you with white hearts at the end. But I can live with that.

Yours in my heart,

T 🤍

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