I'm sorry that you had to go through those kinds of conversations. That is truly emotional damage, and I get it. Being an overt extrovert, I can see you getting into mental and religious bouts. I have seen you get pulled into manufactured arguments because of it. I think I finally see now, that you may need that to thrive as a PERSON.

I'm more of a pacifist, meaning I don't like to argue. Not that I feel like I'm always right, but it has been a safe space. I actually got into an argument once where I said something super hurtful, and didn't remember saying it 5 minutes later. Someone else had to ask me why I would say that, and I didn't remember saying it all. Although, it was a lingering thought.

I guess that's probably why my anxiety is so crippling, because I supposedly let a lot of things go. Opposites attract I guess. I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm holding on to the idea of you. The ideal you, that cooks cuisine, and wants to share experiences and beliefs. I could be deluded and believe that you wanted to talk to me, or just look at the facts.

I think I might better off talking to her or someone new altogether. Trying to find peace and a safe space with someone just as broken as me, or worse isn't working for the long-term. I guess I just have to fake it until I make it. Such a ridiculous saying, but I'm starting to believe in its transcendence (above it all).

Self-righteous Sociopathic tendencies here I come...PERSON INITIATED!

You're So Vain, Carly Simon

https://youtu.be/mQZmCJUSC6g

- AnonIM