This desire and hatred connection ain't ending anytime soon, as I've been anticipating. When I'm at my lowest, I resort to any Divine Source and beg for it to come to an end, 'cause I don't bear the ache anymore. We are the Lovers and also The Devil, two in one being. Why does this happen? Such archetype hits hard. Our beloved friend already gave me this advice:
“Deep down, you like him. Just control where it goes, so this doesn't hurt you. ”
And he's right. Spot on. You sparked most of the emotional spectrum in me. Some, I didn't realize until I just decided to embrace it. Yeah, Shadow Work used to scare the hell out of me, I only have to thank this nowadays. I felt jealous of you. Pissed off. Treated unfairly. Highly suspicious of your intentions. And somehow I like it when I know that I'm the one who pops in your head, who you're craving, It makes me feel good. Mostly when you tell me what are your favorite things involving me. Projects I join. What I create and stuff I share with you.
We're in some weird power struggle, you're the dominating type and I love to strike a nerve, that's how I show you that we're on par. To the Hell with thinking I'm submissive, inferior or just a tool. When I decide to speak, it leaves you cornered. Did you expect me to just swallow anything I have to say and just cry like a defeatist? Where's the fun in doing it? I get the satisfaction in seeing you not getting any so easily to the ol' sadistic you dismay.
This is the mess going on in my heart and my mind. One day, I'll let you know, or I might not tell you anything at all. We will see where it goes.
If it's meant to cross a cellphone screen and make it come alive in person.
We do our part. May the cosmos be in our favor. It always knows better.
A letter from me,
The Red Angel.
The Red 2.0 (your favorite)
And the Revamped One.
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