god help me, i am so in love with you. it's like there is nothing else. no needs no desires or memories that are not of you, no reality outside the regret of not being able to witness every single second of your existence in this world. it's violent, what it does to me to be so far away from you. i sometimes hope it's the same for you. but sometimes i hope you are happy and thoughtless, just occasionally feeling lucky for having met me, at peace with the fact that we are and must be apart, that nothing can ever fill the physical space that separates us. it should be reassuring for me too, except i find it hard to breathe, and like water, you drip deep into my every thought and you get stuck. i get stuck. and i feel myself rotting.

i want to close my eyes and sleep through winter. through the end that is going to come for you and i. wake up feeling refreshed, forgetful.

like after you've had a nice dream you can't really remember