It feels easy talking to you. I'm not worried, I'm not thinking about whether you like me or not, I don't feel like I have to impress you... You're different. I like that. And I like that I can be me around you.
what hurt me most about our breakup was how you cut me off, which at the time seemed so cold hearted.
but i think you had to cut off all ties. you had to force yourself to stop loving me. you knew you had to get me out of your system because you were the drug-addict and i was the cocaine. you couldn’t have gotten through it any other way.
you know if i come back around you’ll fall again, and you can’t risk that because it was so excruciating the first time.
you always said i would look back at our breakup and realise it wasn’t me... and it wasn’t. was i perfect? no fucking way. but was i the reason we broke up? absolutely not. i realise all of that now.
but maybe this is just a mindset i have construed to make myself feel better, who knows.
I know this world is changing. Never gave in, never gave up, I’m the only thing I’m afraid of.
No matter what you’ll never take that from me.
My reign is as far as your eyes can see.
I foresee issues with my ex living down here again.
Keep away. Mind my business. And don’t speak about him ever lol
It’s gonna make it hard to be around his sweet little brother though 😭 I love that child and I feel like he’s gonna make shit difficult.
Kindness. Kindness. Kindness.
Easy, right? Even if he’s harsh, I can be kind and change the situation. We can get along with the both of us here. We didn’t end on bad terms.. but I know how he is with his exes.
Not nice. But this can work out.
I wonder how Wild Man feels about this. Maybe I should talk to him about it.
So. I used to write on this site quite a bit, particularly in high school. Now I'm about to graduate with a master's degree, and I've been solidly firm in my identity as an aromantic asexual for a few years now. It's surreal seeing some of my old letters. I can't discredit my past feelings, even if upon reflection they weren't what I thought they were. They were still real. I did love Joe, and later Kirsten, it just wasn't romantic or sexual. And now, I love Gabriella, and continue to love Sammy and Kara, and Sydney and Abigail even regardless of our differences, just as intensely as I imagine anyone loves their romantic significant others.
And the issue of Joe is a strange one, but honestly it shouldn't be. Sure, he's the only boy on this list, but it is only for that reason that he's the one I was the most convinced this must be romantic feelings. Heteronormative amatonormativity led to me believing this love I felt for Joe was the kind of soul mate, lifelong love that ultimately, I just don't want or have any attraction to. I have made friendships that are so much more intense than anything I felt for Joe with almost every female friend I have. My god I love my female friends. I've been surrounded by strong women my whole life, being the last of 5 daughters and having several sets of female friend circles. I am so glad for my current friend circle, my roommates whom I love an intensely ridiculous amount.
But this love is not romantic nor is it sexual. And trust me, I have debated this for years. Am I in love with Gabriella, or am I just intensely filled with love for her? After years, it is more clear than ever that any feelings I have had throughout my life fall into the latter category. And I am so happy with that.
I can't invalidate the feelings I thought I had back in high school, but neither am I going to invalidate the intensity of the feelings I have for my roommates and friends today.
I've given up.
I'm done asking for your attention.
I'm done asking for you to be proud of me.
I'm done asking you to talk about me to your friends.
I'm done expecting anything from you.
I'm just done.