This is a love letter to my sanity, because I miss it.
My thesis is due in 3 weeks. I’ve pulled all-nighters 3 days in a row. I’m emotionally and physically drained.
Thanks, grad school...for making me forget all about him.
I’m getting everything wrong, I know. Why do I bother with it if that‘s not for me? I feel Like shit right now. I swear I caught you glancing at me during warm up session before the training. I swear I caught you looking away. Oh no, it’s all in my head... I’m seeing things? Why I just don’t ignore it? And I talked to your friend, I didn’t mention you, just updated my status about exchanging glances and such. He says it’s okay, there’s nothing wrong. And to make things worse, I mentioned how people comment of such thing, according to most people in our town, if someone looks for a long time... he or she wants you.
I just want to forget it. I don’t want to think of it. I don’t want to think of you. I don’t want to remember this. It’s an obvious heartbreak route. You wasn’t looking at me, at all. You wanted to look at somebody else and I wasn’t helping at all, only blocking your sight. I didn’t enter your line of sight on purpose, I even moved out of the way.
I don’t want to plant a seed knowing that it won’t sprout into Something. You can even greet me when you see me in the streets, ask if there will be training, if I’ll attend and such. I don’t want to fall for this bad route, I don’t want a disillusion, I don’t want to have the balls and confront you, it won’t end well, right?
Sometimes I wish I never paid attention to this, why does it hurt now? There’s no reason to feel bad and cry. Why does it Hurt? It is because I care? And why do I care? Its supposed to be nothing.
why everytime i heard your voice feelings came rushing back in my system, i thought i'm over you, but well my heart betrayed me once again.
I made some really bad mistakes in this relationship. so its probably best that I erase everything from that chapter of my life and start over. It was a good chapter for a little while.. but in the end it was just a huge disaster. Even though I can’t change what I did in the past, I can change what I do in the future and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.
I’m sorry for all the pain i caused you, and I’m sorry that you have to feel all these horrible things for me now, I wish I could go back and that things didn’t have to be like this. Im trying not to wish anything bad on you and your family it’s just hard not to since you guys called me and my family some nasty things. maybe if you understood me better we could’ve at least stayed as friends but I guess not... All I am to you now is a psycho ex girlfriend and I truly am sorry that that’s what you’re gonna see me as for the rest of your life.
I can’t say this to your face because I know all you’re gonna do is call me a whore or an evil bitch. frankly I already knew I was an evil bitch to begin with so...
i applaud you for dating me and missing all the red signs. good job. goodbye forever. I hope I don’t see you in the next life.
I don’t care if you just come here see me expecting sex. You read it right, I’m not caring about anything... there’s no big deal, no reason to make a scene.
You want it, I want it. That’s Okay.
You didn’t get laid for one year, and I haven’t popped my cherry.
First time is meant to be special? I guess, I won’t talk much about it to prevent turning it into a moral debate. I should only do it when I get married? It’s what I’ve been taught, but, I don’t want to get married nor have children, so what’s all that for?
I don’t give a damn about whatever things anymore, I stopped caring... it’s like I’m about to do some shit this year and whatever outcome I get, whatever way it ends... it’s fine.
There's one difference between you and I; I care about you, and you don't give a shit about me.
It never fails that right after a good day I hit a low point. I feel awful. I know it will get better.... But right now i feel low.
I wish that it were easy, seeing all this. Going through all this is making me tired. I've got to be stronger.
you have no idea how mich I struggle. I hate secrets. I'm really wishing I were someone else.
I liked you since high school but you never lend your eyes on me.
After 7 years i found you and confess my feelings to you. You said that you're not the guy for me, that i'm too kind to get hurt. Am i that ugly? I've waited for you for a long time. By your words you hurt me a lot, is this what you want?
Sometimes you have to be brave and ready to the hurtful words you can hear from the guy you loved the most.
Sometimes you just have to turn your back and left the feelings you treasured because at the end of the day you always have yourself.