i Wouldn’t go calling someone Mentally Challenged Unless of course they‘re Paraplegic. I Graduated College with a Bachelors degree In Painting. 😊

Let me tell you a Story. About February of 2017 or 2018, I permanently deleted my Facebook Account, due to Online Harassment. The person who was harassing me had just openly come out of the closet as Non Binary. ( they/ them pronouns) They started to attack me by calling me Cis Gender, a term which means your assigned gender at birth. So what did I do? I blackmailed them with their own mental health condition. They had anxiety, depression and dissociative disorder. Things got worse for me. This is something I actually regret now. Moral of story: Don’t Ever Use Someone’s Mental Health Condition or Sexual identity or Multiple Crushes against them. Because then my friend, your not fighting clean, your fighting Dirty.

Dear you,

I needed to let this out because this has been brewing in my mind for the past one week. You’ll never read this, but at least other strangers in this vast world of ours will – at least someone will know these feelings and thoughts. Longing, frustration, anger, and just a tinge of regret.  

There are so many things I want to share with you – so many things I could endlessly talk about with you. Something that I realize I don’t have with others. I don’t bare my soul to anyone else, at least not now.

The reality is, you decided to end our friendship and I’ll have to respect your decision.

In the past 24 hours, under the influence of alcohol, I’ve been weighing the option of begging, or possibly just texting you and ask if we can try this out again.

But it seems like my dignity is priced way more than our friendship – even more so, with the fact that I want to respect your decision, so I won’t proceed with these ideas and just settle with this e-letter.

I remember questioning why you didn’t want to rely or depend on people, and me being me, I was asking you to open yourself a little bit because there may be opportunities that you miss because of this habit. It’s ironic now how much I regret, in this very moment, for depending on you so much to be this person that I want you to be. It’s not even like I want to change you – it’s just that you were this comfort zone that I always had and maybe that’s me for you too. I am so angry that I managed to let this happen – this attachment - because now I understand why you put up the walls that you do – feeling the brunt and hurt from this accident, has been affecting me in ways that I didn’t think it could.

I don’t blame you, and I don’t blame me either. I just blame the time and conditions of that day, that moment, that led us to this situation.

Each person is different, special, and so are the moments shared. I may meet someone in the future whom I’ll get to experience the same stories as you do, but today, and since yesterday and the last few days. I miss you. This letter is sloppy, contradictive to the line of work that I do – but you’d probably laugh and realize, yeah, this is because of the lack of sleep or oxygen.

I miss you, but I hope you’re doing well. I really want you to be happy.

Best,

NK

Hey you. I miss you so much. I had a dream about you and you said you missed me too. Sometimes I doubt myself that I saw a could be. Maybe it was deep caring and admiration. Maybe a connection, that I confused with other feelings. I felt an attraction. I just never encountered someone like you. I really liked you. I still like you, I always will but time and distance helps. Your always in the back of my mind. I hope you are well. I hope that your life is filled with sunshine and peace. Know that someone out there cares about you and thinks your breathtaking in and out.

Are you ashamed of me?

Because it certainly feels that way.

And I can't stand to be with someone who feels such a way with me. I guess this is why I'm always mad with you because no matter what it is, I'm the one who is not good enough.

I'm the one with the problems.

And although I do have problems, I never saw you as a problem. Until, that is, you made me feel this way.

I hate how much I let myself love you and I'm mad too. It's so conflicting when you're able to be affectionate yet, at the same time, hostility when it comes to showing affection in public.

It drives me mad and I don't have time for bullshit like this. You either be 100% with me or you don't. There is no between.

- this is what I'll say when we confont one another.

im sad i want you

I'm emotionally tired for my next day again and again.

Recently, he became so distant even though we would hang out regularly before. I thought we were friends, but I don’t know what happened on his part. I’m not sure if he’s just too busy to communicate or reply, or if it’s something I did..

Does anyone have any advice?

It's seems dear god is a mythology creator.

I curse my lifeline.