some people told me that “another lifetime” doesn’t exist. others have said it does. regardless, maybe we could’ve been something in a different universe, a universe where nothing went wrong. in this universe, however, you were my bestfriend. the guy whose shoulder i fell asleep on, the guy i’d get drunk with and overshare because we were that comfortable with each other. the guy i would cry to because a stupid boy broke my heart, the guy who i’d smoke with back when i used to, the guy who i bonded with over the smallest things. the guy whose heart i helped heal when it wasn’t broken by me in the first place.
and then this happened. you hurt me, you made me hate you for 6 months. you abandoned me. you were my bestfriend. in this case, there is no other lifetime. now it’s just you texting me about how you want to repair our friendship. how you gained feelings for me but when i shot you down, you continued on with me platonically because you knew that’s how i felt and i respected that. so so much. you didn’t know how hurt i was for these past six months until recently when i called you out. i loved you with my whole heart.
you’re trying so hard and i see that and i appreciate it so much. i’m just scared. you broke my trust. it’s gonna hurt for a little bit but i know myself. i know that if i never called you out, if we never had that conversation, i would continue hating you for what you did. obviously i still care about you otherwise i would never have spilled how incredibly angry i was with you. and now here you are, trying so hard. a part of me thinks it’s worth it. you’re worth it. i know you are.
You have said my name, to me, only a handful of times.
I turn each one over in my head and savor the sound of it.
I’m going to ask him to get coffee. Tomorrow, if I can. Not explicitly a romantic thing? but definitely kind of! testing the waters! And breaking the ice because at the very least I want to be friends with the guy. Wish me luck
I can’t wait to see you at work tomorrow. The thought that I might get a hello hug has me excited and nervous. You’re in a relationship, I will never cross any lines, and will stay professional. It’s just that the smell of you and your hair when we hug… it completely enraptures me. Your smile makes me weak. I can’t wait to see your face but at the same time, the impossibility of us makes working together at times unbearable. Nights before you’re in the office are the hardest. I try to sleep but my mind just races thinking about all the things l love about you. You are so warm, you have a kind heart, you’re loving, generous, and a wonderful mother to your kids. You’re so smart, we can talk about anything You can do anything and you’ve also already traveled and done so much. You have an effortless elegance and grace. You don’t seem to realize how absolutely stunning you are. I catch myself with my jaw open sometimes.. so embarrassing… i hope you don’t notice. So I just lay here and think of you Sarah.. how my Sarah smiles and lives in her world so unaware.. you have my heart
you don’t even care that youve left me out in the cold
you don’t even care how many nights i’ve spent crying for you