ECS,

Just to be around you again is all I need. I miss you! Feeling sad 😢

Love, Sloth Kristy

Dear LTC.

We stand in the middle of infinity. Everything we are is a succession of one in a million chances. So many incredibly small chances happening one after another. If you step outside in the night, look up; you will see stories. groups of stars that have been given hundreds of names, tales of gods and kings, epics that borrow from each told before them.

If you look past the history and the poems, you will see something far more beautiful: You will see stars. Incomprehensibly large collections of gas that burn so hot, we will never touch them, so far away, that we will never reach them. Yet they exist, they light up the night sky giving this break in the dull darkness. How can something so foreign impact our lives so heavily?

Yet we wake up every morning, concerned about how we connect to each other. The 'someone' in your life who doesn't know you exist, the one who took your trust and broke it, the one who catches your eye every time you see them. Why concern yourself with something so small when everywhere you look, you are surrounded by something impossible.

I say this to you, don't concern yourself over that pit in your stomach when you just want to impress them, there is no reason to stress over something so small. You are surrounded by stories, mysteries and serendipity.

So when you feel useless... Look up.

Since you are the middle of infinity.

~November

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_m4w7c83vKU

so Uh I had a dream about you which is weird but like yeah you dream about people you think about so not that surprising

But like in the dream we were just in the same class again and my best friend was there and I was trying to find an excuse to like, walk in your direction on the chance we made eye contact. Because apparently that’s the wildest fantasy my subconscious could come up with. So we’re walking past your desk and you’re talking with your friends and I’m talking with my friend and I’m facing her but I’m talking just loud enough for you to hear my voice. I see you glance in my direction out of the corner of my eye. Satisfied, I return w/ my friend to our desks.

Then suddenly I get the impression she dislikes you. She tells me something along the lines of “don’t put him on a pedestal, you barely know what he’s like, raise your standards for interaction” and I realize that I got excited over you looking in my direction and I feel ashamed. The rest of the dream continues into some weird dream nonsense, i eat an entire cake while walking around the halls of my elementary school for some reason, then I wake up.

I’m not going to put too much energy into deciphering a dream, but it made me think. It’s not like we’ve never had a face to face conversation before, and I don’t think I’m actually as obsessed with you as I was in the dream. But I don’t know you and I want to know you, but I literally can’t think of any reason to approach you other than us being partnered up for an assignment (and what am I going to do, request to be in a group project with you to the teacher???) Or should I just enjoy this for what it is (a silly little infatuation) and admire you from afar for a while and then hopefully just get over it?

Every time I think someone cares they disappoint me.

Sorry I can't even talk to you. I'm so disappointed in myself.

I wanna make you hard and ride it. Ugh I only want yours, and you aren't giving it to me.

god fucking damn it i miss you

I cried. Hard.

My parents expect me to find somebody and move in with them but I don't

my crush is silly and a distraction from the realities and ugliness of life

that's all they ever are

it's still nice to see him and play make-believe dreaming of what could have been