finally, the closure I needed to move on.

he doesn't want me, and he never did.

Love is not enough. I understood that for people in toxic situations. That it shouldn't be enough for them to stay but... I guess I never thought I'd be saying that when our relationship felt like it was good. Like there was nothing bad about it. And I guess maybe nothing bad doesn't mean it was amazing. And having a good relationship doesn't mean we were the ones for each other.

We loved each other so much. In fact, we still do. And I don't think we would stop. But I guess I was in love with you. And you weren't.

Sometimes I'm stubborn, sometimes I'm so goddamn stubborn. I heard once that just because you think of someone constantly it does not mean you are in love, yet it could mean you are just stubborn, but i in fact think it is the act of being in love which makes you stubborn. The universe could place the biggest red flag in front of you yet if you love one enough, red becomes your favorite color. This might sound insane, but the only reason those red flags turn green is because there's a part of you I have yet to meet which I hope I do soon, but until that day, red is green.


g

I thought i wouldn't feel disappointed by you anymore but i guess i was wrong

ugh I just don’t get it…. Like WTF…

I realized tonight that I’m not real to you. 


You come to me and it’s like you step entirely out of your world and into mine and I become your sanctuary.

And I want to be that for you.


But I also know that something that lives in your mind as undefinable as I do, well, it’s like visiting a dream. In that world, I will remain as I am forever.


But I am real. And I can’t stay the same always.

But to conceptualize that for you would mean you’d have to make a decision. You aren’t near making a decision and if you keep me in this bubble, you never will be.


I hope I can be okay with this.

But, you still are the best thing that has ever happened to me, at a point where all the culmination of my past experiences could have only led to the goodness that this is. You are coaxing me back into my body and reminding me every moment that I am safe. That I have a voice, and am powerful.

The teaching girls receive when they come of age is that this is yours, he said, gesturing to my body. You get to decide, always, whether and when you want to share it. No one else has any say in that but you.

I felt the press of tears that still refuse to fall.

I wish I’d had that teaching when I was young. I was never given it.


-Kiizhikehn

If I type about someone I'm probably still infatuated by them. Guess I have nothing to type about but the disappointment men in my life have brought me. Lmao...

- Liv

The night shift is starting to get to me.

You used to text memes, you used to call me in the morning, you used to call me randomly throughout the day just to talk.....


Now you do none of the above......




And the truth is, I couldn’t be happier......

I had a timeline in my head when I started to like you, of how I wanted things to go.

Meet, then if we still seemed to have a connection, wed start to hang out more, flirt, tease, etc... It would develop gradually and maybe then we'd transition into something romantic, kiss, start dating if all went well... Then we'd start delving into something sexual. The usual timeline.

Unfortunately, real life never goes how you want it to go.. We havent met yet.. we got really close, started sleeping on the phone together, talking every day, no romantic talk, not even sure you like me.. but weve now transitioned into sexual conversation.

Its nice, but I didnt want it to happen like this.. I didnt want to go there at all, even a little, until things were certain. And they are far from it