ECS,
Just to be around you again is all I need. I miss you! Feeling sad š¢
Love, Sloth Kristy
Dear LTC.
We stand in the middle of infinity. Everything we are is a succession of one in a million chances. So many incredibly small chances happening one after another. If you step outside in the night, look up; you will see stories. groups of stars that have been given hundreds of names, tales of gods and kings, epics that borrow from each told before them.
If you look past the history and the poems, you will see something far more beautiful: You will see stars. Incomprehensibly large collections of gas that burn so hot, we will never touch them, so far away, that we will never reach them. Yet they exist, they light up the night sky giving this break in the dull darkness. How can something so foreign impact our lives so heavily?
Yet we wake up every morning, concerned about how we connect to each other. The 'someone' in your life who doesn't know you exist, the one who took your trust and broke it, the one who catches your eye every time you see them. Why concern yourself with something so small when everywhere you look, you are surrounded by something impossible.
I say this to you, don't concern yourself over that pit in your stomach when you just want to impress them, there is no reason to stress over something so small. You are surrounded by stories, mysteries and serendipity.
So when you feel useless... Look up.
Since you are the middle of infinity.
~November
so Uh I had a dream about you which is weird but like yeah you dream about people you think about so not that surprising
But like in the dream we were just in the same class again and my best friend was there and I was trying to find an excuse to like, walk in your direction on the chance we made eye contact. Because apparently thatās the wildest fantasy my subconscious could come up with. So weāre walking past your desk and youāre talking with your friends and Iām talking with my friend and Iām facing her but Iām talking just loud enough for you to hear my voice. I see you glance in my direction out of the corner of my eye. Satisfied, I return w/ my friend to our desks.
Then suddenly I get the impression she dislikes you. She tells me something along the lines of ādonāt put him on a pedestal, you barely know what heās like, raise your standards for interactionā and I realize that I got excited over you looking in my direction and I feel ashamed. The rest of the dream continues into some weird dream nonsense, i eat an entire cake while walking around the halls of my elementary school for some reason, then I wake up.
Iām not going to put too much energy into deciphering a dream, but it made me think. Itās not like weāve never had a face to face conversation before, and I donāt think Iām actually as obsessed with you as I was in the dream. But I donāt know you and I want to know you, but I literally canāt think of any reason to approach you other than us being partnered up for an assignment (and what am I going to do, request to be in a group project with you to the teacher???) Or should I just enjoy this for what it is (a silly little infatuation) and admire you from afar for a while and then hopefully just get over it?
I wanna make you hard and ride it. Ugh I only want yours, and you aren't giving it to me.
my crush is silly and a distraction from the realities and ugliness of life
that's all they ever are
it's still nice to see him and play make-believe dreaming of what could have been