here's a reminder to focusing on myself. to not letting other people distract me from the things i want to do, the life i want to live. i do my best to love others and to make them feel loved, cared for, and appreciated. but i'm trying to give my energy back to myself too. i know what it's like to lose yourself in someone else. in making everyone but yourself happy. and slowly, i've taken myself back. i still need a lot of work. but i've come far. every little step and every thing that's happened to me has led me here.

to my love, you're a star in my life. you make life more fun and you make me sillier and goofier and i love it. and i know sometimes i carry a lot of sadness and shame, but you do your best to love me. i hope i brighten your life too. that i bring you joy and a different perspective.

I really care about you a lot. I'm trying not to be too smothering or needy, but I would love to be able to talk to you all day every day.

Isn’t it strange how the people who end up really mattering to you have some kind of connection to you or you shared the same friend group or grew up in the same neighborhood or something that kept you just a few beats away from them? Life is so weird.

Y, I wanna message you to tell you to take care of yourself very well, because I wanna see you again even though I don't know when I will gather courage to do so.

I wish I could tell you that I did not move on and that you are still on my mind every day and night, and I don't think of you any less since I stopped seeing you.

You are the reason I should stop listening to music, because I find you in every song, and it makes me cry.

mn

dear t,

i wish i could talk to you just one moretime. i hate how we left things. i really want to hate you for how you treated me but I can't because sadly, i still love you. i think i will always love you a little; no matter what happens. i wish you had told me what i did wrong. what i said to break your heart, because i would never intend todo that. you were my world, and honestly idk what to do without you. god, i wish you had done something horrible because then i could hate you. then I could move on knowing that i never want to be with you again. that’s probably how you feel about me. but instead, I’m left with leftover feelings and so much confusion. i fought so damn hard for you, for us, and you didn’t even try. so why do i still care about you? why do i still love you? i don’t want to. i know i deserve better and i know the way you treated me is not what i deserve either, but i really wanted it to be you. i still want it to be you, but i doubt you feel that way. so why am i the one who’s still left crying every night? why am i the one left missing you and wanting you back? you broke my heart without an explanation and i want to move on and say im better off without you but I can’t even believe myself if i were to say that. you were my person, my comfort, my joy, the love of my life. how was anyone else supposed to compare to you? i know that i’m young and our love was fleeting and that in five years from now i’ll probably be laughing over this, but you felt like my endgame. you indeed were perfect for me loser, but maybe you weren’t what i needed in this new chapter of my life. maybe i need to be alone and learn to be ok with it before i can have another person by my side on my journey. i need to let you go. i really don’t want to, but you need to know what it feels like to lose me. right now isn’t our time, it’s just like they say, right person wrong time. but we have to grow and mature on our own before we can revisit what we once built, and if for some reason that day never comes, i’m forever thankful for the memories we shared. i will always love you tear bear. 

with love,

s

I never thought sharing you with someone else would make me love you more. 

And then I see the way you love our son.

I can't relate to you anymore so I'm trying to let you go

An unfortunate situation for me the entire time but I know you're not a bad person

Unfortunately, Nothing was learned from this experience

I learned nothing at all

I wish we were in love. We’d be so perfect together.

I just want you to know. And I just want to know. But maybe I’m being selfish. 

Maybe it’s just my obsession with truth and being right.

Maybe I just want to be lifted out of this mire of self doubt... 

To know that I didn’t misread all these signs or ignore any evidence that doesn‘t support what I want to be true…

but I know that all I really want, is to spend more time with you.

I have a feeling we won’t be meeting up in a while. It was nice while it lasted and I’ll miss you but this is probably for the best. I need to work on myself and the work I have to do. I’m not cut out for a relationship right now and I know you say you aren’t either. But maybe one day…