fellow ltc,

please help. i'm hurting. i'm hurting so much. he left me there, without a single word and now it just hurts so much. all the smallest things remind me of him. i can't get rid of it. how can you get over somebody that you love so much?

A moment of hesitation. Thats what made me smile. Thats what brightened my day.

Your hesitation.

It might be nothing, but just let me float on this good feeling.

dear you,

i am in love with someone, who probably hates me. and believe me when i say it’s not a very nice feeling to have. but god help me, i’m in love with him. i’m in love with everything he does, i love everything that he is. i love the way he smiles at me and how his eyes turn golden when the sunlight hits it, i love the way he laughs whenever i do something silly. i love it when he holds my hand and understands everything that i feel, i love it when he writes letters to me. i love the way he makes me feel. i was so happy when i was with him. but now i’ve gone ahead and completely messed it up. and i’ve been trying to get over him for so long and it hurts it hurts it hurts and i can’t stop it from hurting anymore. i try to stop thinking about him, and it just completely fails because i’m just too in love. even after he broke my heart, i’m still in love with him. 

and god, i’m so lucky to love him. i was so lucky to be the girl that he would look at with those eyes of his, and i was so lucky to have been able to know him, i’m so lucky to have had my heart broken by him. i will never forget him. i’ll never forget the songs that he loves, i’ll never forget his smile, i’ll never forget the look on his face when i told him i loved him. i’ll never forget his dirty jokes, his innuendos, the way he makes me clean his glasses, i’ll never forget how kind and thoughtful and caring he is. i’ll never forget how much a person can care. and the strangest thing is, this could have never happened. i could have said no, could have left him there, could have not showed up. i could have never talked to him, never looked at him, never told him my secrets. i could have ripped my hand away from his, pushed him away when he hugged me. but i did it all. because i loved him. because i chose him. and he did it all because he loved me, and he chose me. but then he stopped. he changed. he pushed me away, he ignored me, and i will never forget that feeling, that cold icy feeling that came over me when i finally realized it. that i loved somebody who didn’t care anymore. left hanging. 

but i’ll never give up on him. i don’t think i ever will. when you get to know someone that much, when you give all of you to one person, i don’t think that you can ever stop loving them. i’ll always save a small piece of my heart for him. just in case he wants it back. and i’ll stand here and wait for him, because i love him. i can’t even express how much i do. i would rather be hurt myself than to ever watch him get hurt. i’ll always be here. i’ll never forget everything we had, every single moment. i’ll never forget the tears and the smiles an laughs. and most importantly, i’ll never stop loving him. i’ll always remember him.

i hope he remembers me.

I dont know what to do! I love him so deeply, more than myself, more than my family. I have dreamt of my future with him countless times. But it pains me knowing i will never ever be with him. I will never have my first kiss with him. I will never have my first date with him. I will never lose my virginity to him. I will never marry him and have kids. He will never love me. All i do is cry. Help me God. Help stop this suffering and pain within me.

People are walking back and forth in front of me and they’re living and moving on with their lives while I’m here sitting and thinking, what if? What if we’re not 7000 miles apart? What if we get to hold each other the way we did before? What if I can touch your hands and hold you tight and hug you for the rest of the night? What if we get to kiss each other goodnight and when we wake up the next day, kiss each other good morning? What if we‘re not apart? What if? So many what ifs. But then again, it’s okay. Because even if these what if’s are so sweet, there’s nothing compare to the sweetness we’ll feel when we soon meet again.


If I really liked him I would've genuinely wanted what was best for him, even if that best wasn't what I wanted for him, or was me.

to the boy in the margaret williams theatre

i hope i see you again 😭

I like rings. But i dont wear any, because i dont want guys thinking im engaged or married.

I was listening to 'Sugar, Sugar' by The Archies. Great song.

Lying in bed, headphones in.

Immediately, you popped up in to my head. You held my hand and started dancing and twirling, smiling at me.

I shouldn't have made this song about you because, I think my heart exploded.

Architecture Girl

Recently, I saw a video that you shared on your Instagram bio that you were in, and it was a haul video of you and your friends from when you went to Oslo earlier this year.

I skipped to the part to when you were speaking. Watching you and hearing you voice is making me miss you a lot. You were so quirky and cute in the video whilst talking about the clothes you got from Oslo, I was smiling throughout!

Your quirkiness; your jovialness... I miss you so much! Life is pretty dull right now...