i cried over him again today. i didn’t mean to. he sneaks his way into every poem I write lately. i can‘t get any of the memories to fade. some mornings I wake up and my mouth taste like poetry and I know I’ve been dreaming of him again.
why Is your absense still so fucking noticeable. it’s impossible to ignore. i miss your shitty bed and the wonky faucet and running to the store at 3am. you used to keep chocolate soy milk on hand and vegan frozen meals, I always thought that was really sweet. i need to let you go. i want to let you go, my poems could never do you justice anways. you were every stanza I’ve ever written come to life. i would’ve written worlds for you.
what do you do when you’re homesick for someone you can’t have? what do you do when it feels like rocks on your chest that are slowly crushing you to death?
Is it?? Coincidence? When you pause so close to me? Walking across the gym, of all things, you walk right past me? I’m fairly certain there were several more direct routes you could’ve taken, but I’m not complaining haha.
Last night?? You paused to talk to a mutual friend right next to me? Like, you could’ve stopped next to her but you stopped right between where she was and where I was standing.
Am I just hyper-aware of proximity? Yeah probably. But hhh you get me all hot and bothered in the best way when you do that.
In other news, I got smacked in the head by a volleyball because I was glancing over at you last night. Whoops.
I have heard that you have a crush on her. Today, I saw her sit beside you. I think she's interested in you, too. And I think I should stop liking you. I wish you happiness, Marshmallow.
You dont care about me I suppose
You will smoothly draw yourself out of my life.
You have already started. Like you told me, "I wouldnt just stop talking to you"
You will do it slowly, but it will be full of pain. Fucking stabbings in my heart fucking hell
I dont know what hurts the most
That I didnt spend more time w you
That I should have been more forward
That I invested so so so much heart and time into this
That you dont seem to care
That you seemed to want to embrace me before you had met me IRL but then when you saw me I wasnt good enough
The aloneness now. Not having you there every other day. No plans to meet again
That Im disgusting
Everything fucking hurts
And i guess you re on a date with a woman now who is chill and nice.
Or maybe you are talking to that other girl on that site. She is blonde and classier and more chill probably
believing in you
I’d do anything to see you smile
I just need to see that smile
I miss it so much
Please let me run into you somewhere
I just wanna scream to the world how you make me feel
You make me feel alive
You make me smile
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs how love found me and that love is you
I wanna sing along with you to all your favorite songs
I want you to know that you can tell me anything
Tell me your fears
I want to know it all
I’ll listen to everything you say
I’ll treat you with respect, I’ll never hurt you
I’ll always be here
This is making me really sick.
I just imagine you being with another girl and think that I'm okay. That I will just forget about these 3 of months interactions.
I feel sick, and I should probably write and tell you.
But maybe you just dont care. Maybe you only care about someone new.