tell me what you want and I’ll be that
it kills me every time i think about her. knowing i can’t and never will be hers. sitting back while she falls in love and gets heartbroken. i wish deep down that i could be the one for you, maybe that’s what i get so upset. i dream of the day where this thought will slip my mind and i can live peacefully. i know i will always love you, even if it’s just as friends. soulmate forever.
I just want to know how you act like you never kissed me so easily because I can't get you out of my mind. Every night, I sit in my room and I think about you, I think about how you kissed me in this room, how you looked at me in this room, how we cuddled in this room. I first saw you 4 years ago when we were young and naive. 4 years ago, you choose to leave my life and I wrote many poems about you. I discovered these poems again 2 days ago and I was crushed by them. I wrote something like this;
If you want to come one day
I don't know whether I can accept you or not
If you want to leave again
I don't know whether I can let go of you or not
If you come one day
I forget and love you again
If you leave me again one day
I will cry and kill you in my mind
Whenever I read these lines, I cry. Because I let you join my life again so easily and you just left me again. Now all we do is send reels to each other. I can't do this anymore, I miss you so much. You mean so much to me and I just can't get you out of my head. I am tired of looking at the live versions of our photos and finding little details I didn't notice before. In some photos, I can't exceed the way you looked at me. I wish I could see our future because if you are not happy with me I can't force you but I see the way you looked at me or touch me. We were more than just friends and you cannot accept this. I accept this too we can be just friends, I can be whatever you want but I want you in my life. I really miss you I don't care about our label, I just wanna watch Star Wars with you every night again. I just want your presence in my life not in a subtle way, I want to feel your presence in every part of my life. Damn, I love you.
Did you want me to try and be with you while I’m struggling and trying to a better person? I’m not trying to hurt you but I’m saying I’m not good for you.
I’m scared and hopeful at the same time. I’m constantly overthinking about how this will all work out but I know it will in the end. I just hope you stay happy with me. I wish you were here with me now. I can’t wait until we can hold each other and sleep.
I am so silly for believing you had something for me.
Why am I doing this to myself
We’re just not meant to be. I don’t trust you and without trust there’s no love. I don’t know how to explain this. I miss you so much but I know we wouldn’t be healthy because of my trust issues and ik you have so much love to give and so do I but I’m not ready. When I really cared about “us” you always turned me down and ignored me. God knows how much I was excited just to walk past you and see your face almost every day. Now that time has passed and we’ve been apart, I can’t make myself feel the way I did when we first met. I tried for a long time with you and you took a long time to notice and now I think it’s too late. If I were to keep acting like I still feel the same way it would be wrong. It would almost be like I’m leading you on. You get a lot of attention and you have a lot of other love interests so I think it’s best that you pursue one of them instead. I’m not good for you. I have a lot to work on and there are other people who are willing to love you, and I want nothing but the best for you. So please, get the love that you deserve.
I suppose it was inevitable. Sooner or later I had to learn this lesson about how to deal with a broken heart. But why did it have to come from YOU?
i saw you yesterday, you looked breathtaking as always. i saw you catching glances at me, i really liked it. tho you looked kinda lonely at recess, i really wanted to come up and talk to you, but no. just no. i also heard you liked my friend from a different section, which sucks. but you two really seem cute together, your smart, shes smart, your handsome, shes pretty. and those are the two stuff i"ll never ever have. if you do somehow manage to pull her, i hope you treat each other well, and i hope you won"t regret your decisions. i feel so pathetic, writing this damn paragraph abt some guy who won't even see this, or even acknowledge me. i am constantly stalking ur socials, i see the comments swarm with girls commenting. i think i should stop chasing you now.
:( I hope you miss me just a bit, or think of me here and there
I do hope we will see each other again