i know this is for crushes but i decided to value my friend. you're a sister to me. whether our paths diverge or intertwine, we remain feeling the same way. almost as though time hasn't had enough of itself to change us.
I feel so much love for you. I feel happy hearing your voice or seeing you. You make me feel giddy and nervous all the time. You're just amazing! I feel protective of you; I don't want anything or anyone to ever hurt you. I just want to hug you and smile with you and laugh with you. I want to hear you go on about your interests, just to see the way you light up about them. I want to go on dates and connect and love each other. You mean the world to me.
No, I am not over you yet.
I know it has been years and we have both gone so far in different directions, sometimes it feels like we ended on different planets.
I know we are not who we used to be, the thought of us mere fantasy. Yet here I stand and long for you, the same way that I used to do.
I see you in a new light now, but right behind of you stands the ghost of our past. It lingers in the air around us, right here where we used to stand. In the shy smiles and secret glances. The unknown and the wasted chances. It smells like autumn air and locker rooms. Tell me, do you smell it too?
And at the corner of the track, over where your girlfriend stands, is where we knew there was nobody else. Screaming silence and hormonal highs, standing under the stadium lights. How could there ever be someone loving me more than you do? Tell me did you feel it too?
You look at me now and sometimes it's rage. Sometimes it's soft and sometimes it's vague. It's not as loud as it used to be but I can't help but hold on to the possibility that it still means the same. That after all these years you didn't forget, because I still remember what you wore on the day we first met. Can you tell that I am not over you yet?
Every song I loved now reminds me of you. Every movie I watched reminds me too. If I am honest, there is not much that does not do. I know I am not the one you are going home with now, I'm not the one gossiping with your mum. I wonder about all the things that we would do. I wonder if you wonder too.
I have spent countless hours thinking of you. Repeating and repeating our memories. Clutching onto the only thing that is keeping you here. With me. I have written so many words that I forgot where to go. So many words that I should have told you instead when I still had the chance. Now I am glued to this spot between what we are and what we could have been and all the things I regret.
I guess I am just trying to say I'm not over you yet.
i want to have the type of love where we playfully tease each other but care about each other so much. i want those cold yet cozy nights where we cuddle up in a blanket on the couch together, watching our favorite show. i want someone that i can share everything with: my hopes, my dreams and my fears. i want someone who trusts me enough to share their own version of those things with me. i want that all, with you.
i know what its like to have someone pine after me, i felt horrible about not being able to reciprocate. is that how you feel? i'm sorry.
Yes, I want you to make love to me. Yes, I want to be intimate with you. Yes, I want you to reveal yourself to me and share our bodies, our minds and our secrets.
i can see us in a foreign town somewhere. maybe Tuscany overlooking a vineyard. the sun is setting in a cotton candy sky and there‘s a long line of green trees with Dr. Suess whimsy. we are content. we are together. we are grounded and free.