I will miss our evening run in Greenway. Come back soon.
tell me you love me
come back, come back and haunt me
Every dream I have about you is always a pleasant one. Even though we don’t speak to one another, I’m glad you always make me feel happy in my dreams.
You meant more to me than I ever could have imagined.
The powerful hold you still have over me is more dominant than I will ever admit.
You can't talk me out of anything because I don't even want to care about you.
It's still there and I fucking failed. Please don't add comments or advice.
I fucking failed romantically and career wise. It wasn't from lack of planning or execution. I just fucking failed.
I miss saying I love you, it felt so good
The lover girl in me dying out completely
I'm an awful guy and I'm always away
And I'm tryin' to say I'm a piece of shit
Believe in this, I'm tellin' you
'Cause we barely knew what we had I'm not that bad, the fun we had
Oh oh Baby, you're the baddest
Baby, you're the baddest girl, and uh
-lovey dovey mr glover
Go little rockstar
This isn't to a crush, I just want to scream into the void for a moment.
I have a really hard time making friends. I don't think it's because I'm unlikable- people seem to get along with me and like me well enough. But people don't tend to invite me to things, they're never available if I invite them, and even if they call me their friend I get this pervasive feeling that they only tolerate my presence to be polite. I'm a pretty quiet person until I really get to know somebody, and I think sometimes people interpret my quietness as arrogance when it's really just anxiety. I don't know how to get past that.
It's really very lonely. I get so tired of being by myself all the time, but I also kind of hate being around other people. I feel like I have to put on this endless stage performance just to be socially acceptable, and it's exhausting. I was homeschooled as a kid and, as a teen and young adult, was really quite socially awkward and inappropriate. I've since learned some social skills so I think the anxiety I have surrounding talking to other people is just based on that early experience with being perceived badly when I was just being myself. I don't think it's really relevant to my present self, because I understand social cues now, at least for the most part.
But that doesn't change the fact that I still find myself physically unable to speak sometimes because I'm so afraid that I'll say something wrong, I literally can't think of anything to say at all.
Then when I do find someone that I vibe with, who I like being around, I'm so starved for conversation that I just uncontrollably word vomit and trauma dump because it's so rare for me to feel comfortable taking up space, and I'm just desperate for human connection. Then I feel embarrassed for oversharing and never talk to that person again. It's a vicious cycle, and I don't know how to break free from it.
I've never dated because I can't get past the talking stage if I literally find myself incapable of talking. I don't have friends, really, because my childhood friends kind of drifted away after I moved away from my hometown and now I don't know how to make new ones.
I know I sound very "oh, poor me, my life is miserable." But it's really not. I have a great relationship with my siblings, I have hobbies that I enjoy, and I'm mostly happy with my job. I just lately have been finding myself going to restaurants alone, or taking a walk, or other mundane tasks and thinking to myself how nice it would be to have people to do those things with me, but feeling frustrated that I don't know how to achieve that or even where to start.