′′ If we ever stop talking, and you don’t know how to come back, send me a song.”
~ Begin again
hi you,
thanks for spending the last couple of days with me. thank you for being gentle with me yesterday. and thank you for believing in us. i somehow feel close to you amidst all this distance. i cannot wait to see what the future holds for the both of us. i'll be by your side no matter what.
all my love,
-s
Going a day without you feels like absolute torture. It's been such a short time of us being together, if what we are is considered together, but I feel so agonized without being with you, speaking to you. I miss your presence in my life so much even though you've been in it for such a short time. I know it's too early for me to know what love means, and to believe that I am in love with you. But I can say for sure that I will fall in love with you. Whether it be tomorrow, a week, or months later, I just know that you will be the one to teach me what love really means. I have never met somebody like you. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else. I just want to be with you, in every moment that I can.
darnnn. i told my therapist about the cannolis AND I STARTED CRYING AHAHA.
stoopid. but not. i’m glad she lets me be soft in these spaces.
right now i’m working on triggers. and thought spirals and why i get into those feelings. lol part of it is the practice of seeing your stories. so that’s why you’re muted. so strange because i used to be so excited about seeing what you do. so now there’s this weird fear. WHICH IS SILLY. because mostly you post about squirrels or your dog or other things which shouldn’t trigger me. i think what my anxiety does is make up pretend little stories and then it happens because i become afraid of it so much aha.
oh the way fear wields power and i’m trying so hard to fight it.
i guess i hope one day i’ll be just okay enough loving myself and truly understand that haha you don’t have bad intentions. you’re so solidly human. and ahahah sometimes i wish i didn’t have such deep seated trust issues when it came to men.
i do wish i could apologize for doubting you tho. the times i did. that makes me feel guilty. like AHAHAHA the time you went to see your friend, and my best friend said she saw you but lol you were just boys being boys. i trusted you then :) i remember because hahaha you told me all about it and we laughed because lol, you were both excited to see each other. your friend i mean. maybe my best friend struggles to trust guys too.
mm whenever you said you always had pure intentions, i wonder ahahaha what makes you say it that way. like it makes me wonder a lot if i’m doing good work to make sure i’m guarding and respecting your heart like a good friend would too.
- pinkfluffyclouds
A subtle intensity. It doesn’t consume my every waking thought, but it‘s always there. Lingering. Creeping along the edges of my mind. You. Every passing glance. Every conversation we ever had. Something was there. I know you felt it too. But I guess we were both too scared to act on it. You pushed me away, and I ran without questioning why. And now I feel crazy. You make me fucking crazy. And it is so clear that our story is over, that we’ll most likely never see each other again. Yet I’m not entirely convinced that’s true. It doesn’t feel over, even though everything is pointing to the fact that it is.
-c