Do you ever scroll through, wondering if I left one for you?

Do you ever scroll through, like I do?

I keep convincing myself that if I can just see you one more time, I'll be able to figure out what this is and it will all make sense, but I always come away just as confused as I was before, but with the ache of missing you reawakened.

I feel like what we have transcends reality. Everyone has all of these things happening to them, but i feel like what is going on between us is somehow bigger and also so much smaller. I feel like the pieces of my soul that are clinging to you and the pieces of your soul that hold on to me, are out there together somewhere, and that's why I feel this connection regardless of the situation. We'll always be a part of each other. I will always be there for you, whether that means never speaking again and just knowing that I'm cheering for you, or if that means we see each other every day. I'm here and always will be. I hope you can find comfort in that.

I miss you.

I have an inexplicable, unprecedented, weirdly strong urge to tell you, whom I barely know and with whom I’ve exchanged perhaps ten words over a few months, that you’re absolutely, genuinely, seriously, sincerely one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. Just tell you that. Nothing more. And then leave and leave you be.

But now I think you’re gone, and one of the most gorgeous women in the world, among the prettiest of pretty sights, was, amazingly enough, right here, right next to me. Perhaps it took me too long to realize, busy as I’ve been. I got to see her in the morning and in the evening and sometimes in between, and sometimes she smiled at me and I smiled at her. How fantastic is that, in hindsight? I was incredibly lucky just to have you around. And now you’re gone and I can never tell you.

You’ve made me fall for you probably unintentionally, mostly from afar, almost without saying a word. And you also probably don’t know it, and never will. I don’t think you’re aware of the power of your beauty and effortless charm.

In life, we cross paths with all sorts of people all the time - people who we might in that instant find, funny, beautiful, interesting, or even people that we know for years - but we still mostly move along without any second thoughts. Without any spark.

And then sometimes we run across someone, even fleetingly, who, apparently for no reason other than some weird, paradoxical quirk of the heart, and even if the thought is totally ridiculous, triggers something somewhere, and makes us wonder about it all.

For some reason I cannot fathom, and being very mindful that for a million reasons it all very much makes no sense at all, you are one of these rare people.

try to avoid you try to avoid thinking about you try to avoid being sad about you & then I RUN INTO YOU IN A CITY OF TEN MILLION PEOPLE come on universe.

M

I love you so much more than you know. I don’t know how it was for you - maybe we can talk about it one day, but it was love at first sight for me. Those feelings I had when I first met you haven’t changed a bit, even after everything we’ve been through. It’s difficult to describe, but you’re just perfect in every way to me - not only are you the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, but your kindness and the way we get on just makes me love you more and more as time goes on. I really hope we get to be together again soon. I love you.

I was obsessed with someone in high school. I really was. I was convinced I loved him, and, you know, maybe I did. I was convinced he loved me back, and, you know, maybe he did. I heard rumors. Maybe there was a moment. Who knows… but now, who cares?

I was obsessed with my best guy friend in high school. I clung to his very word like a promise without fully realizing that if he wanted to be with me, he would’ve asked. I balanced my self worth on the question of whether or not this boy loved me. Clung to stolen glances around a campfire or that one time our friends forced us to kiss. I beat myself up because I didn’t think I was good enough. I thought that he was the only guy for me and I was going to miss my shot at love if it didn’t happen.

Then, I left. I went to college. I grew up. I wouldn’t say my self image got much better but I learned who I was going to be for the rest of my life. I wish I could say it was a decision to get over him, but it wasn’t. I realized my life was better without him slowly.

I downloaded dating apps realizing there was better out there. I didn’t immediately have great experiences, but I learned how to talk to men and realized I was not as unattractive as he made me feel.

I’m engaged to the absolute love of my life now. I truly thought I was in love with my best friend back then. That’s a joke. It took my guy less than a few months to fall for me. Hell, later we both admitted we may have fell in love the fourth time we hung out (he was my boyfriend less than a month after ”talking” too). He’s seen me through ever flaw, every ugly day, everything. He never hesitates to make me happy. Today he bought me flowers out of the blue while I waited in the car with our two year old dog, and this is a regular thing. He found the perfect engagement ring with the help of my little sister and proposed at night under the stars. I never doubt his love because he never lets me.

I wish I could tell the girl that wrote as “prebrokenheart” that her heart didn’t know what was coming. That she didn’t need to beg for someone to love her. That she might not see it now but there was a reason she had never had a “boyfriend” and that was because her first relationship was meant to be her one and only. I know for a fact she would not have listened, but it would’ve been nice to hear back then.

I’m in love with the only man I was supposed to be with. My favorite letter I wrote back then wasn’t about the guy I was obsessed with in high school but about the fact that I know I would find love one day.

And I did.

-once prebrokenheart, now foreverlovedheart

I still remember the exact moment I knew it was too late for me.