Why is it so hard to let you go?

Aww, I caught a glimpse of you today....makes me feel better to know you are ok.

I remember the way you laughed and the way you smiled at me and i wish i could have stayed in that moment forever. I was so happy around you.

man. i like you a lot. like enough to actually want to be dating and i do not even like entertaining the thought of dating

My heart starts and stops for you in a way you'll never be able to grasp. In a way I will never be able to explain in words.

I've written a lot of stupid letters to people on this website since I was 12. I'm 21 now. I used to have every single one bookmarked so I could go back and read them. Some of them have long been deleted because I knew it was time to let go of the past. 3 remain. All 3 of them about the different people who shaped me to be the person I am today... through a lot of heartbreak.

Today is about me.

I went through so much hurt and pain from those 3 people I could've sworn I loved and would spend the rest of my life with.

I gave and gave and gave but never received anything close to what I sacrificed in return.

At the time, that hurt.

But now, I am a better me.

I am someone I am in love with.

I am happy.

I am wholly myself.

No one gets to define me and my worth anymore.

So one day I might write a letter to the next boy I fall in love with and hopefully, he is the last because I finally figured out how to love myself and how to properly love someone else.

But today is a reminder for myself that I am enough.

I am kind.

I am gentle.

I am loving.

I am genuine.

I am worthy.

You know what? My birthday is coming up real soon actually. With this whole quarantine shit going on, I can't really get what I want, and I don't expect gifts from other people either.

The only kind of gift that would surprise me though is him, giving me a call to tell me happy birthday. That would be the best gift I could ever get. A girl can have her dreams. Maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't, who knows.

All I want to do is talk to you, all the time, about anything and everything. I want to hear every word that you have to say. And I want to grin at each other while you talk on and on and I listen intently.

I really miss you. Please find me.

I have too many feelings right now. I feel like my chest is going to burst.

For starters, I like you. A lot. And I hate it. But I only hate it when we're not talking. Which now is all the time because we don't see each other anymore. Because we work together and we've been forced to work from home.

You're so funny and ridiculous and smart and cute. And I miss you smiling at me and I miss hearing your voice. But more than anything I really miss bantering with you. I miss the ridiculous things you'd say and all the stuff you'd jokingly blame me for. It's been a week and I don't think I can last a month longer. I just miss you.

I've made some contact through work instant messaging in this time that we're all stuck at home. And every time the conversation takes off. It's so easy to talk to you. I miss it.

But I don't understand why you're not initiating anything. You'd talk to me every time you saw me in the office, so what's different now?

I'm right here, sitting in front of my screen for eight hours every day just like you are. I see your green icon that you're there. All I want are three little dots. Tell me something. Anything.

You drive me crazy with your cuteness.

I am trying not to like you

I am trying not to like you anymore

It's not working