So many people say that it's disgusting. That my love is impure, and that I deserve to die and be sent to hell. I try to act like it doesn't hurt. It does.

When I look at you, how could what I feel be bad? I want to talk with you for hours and hold your hand and kiss you and spend every moment I can with you. I'm so confused about what they say is so revolting about me and you. It's just love, and even if we're two girls, it's just as beautiful as a boy and a girl, right?

I don't understand why they think there's something wrong with me. I've never felt better.

how to: talk to someone you find attractive and really want to hug

Your name starts with the letter C, so I call you Vitamin C because without you I feel depleted.

you know that almost... gluttonous feeling when you go through their instagram... akin to standing at the fridge, spoon in hand at midnight attacking the chocolate cake 

but then you accidentally like a 4 year old post and the chocolate cake is on the floor

much like your phone

things that are better than wasting time and getting your heart broke:

-getting that big fat A on the exam you dedicated your life to

-having money to spend however you want to after being broke for a long ass time

-spending the day at the beach while experiencing the perfect temperature of feeling the sun kiss your skin, but a little windy so you don’t get a heat stroke

-laughing and enjoying life with the people you love and who love you in return

-hearing your favorite songs played live, dancing and singing along with the people who helped you get through the toughest days

i got more if u need more

i called you sunshine. 

there had never been a better way to describe you, and looking back at the beginning of it all, i think i caught you in the last of your 'cloudless sky, burning sun' days. hell, maybe i was the catalyst to that - the crack in the simulation, what let the dark creep in. you are convinced now that you have all these anxieties and fears about your future, and i'm convinced you're just thinking too much.

please don't think i am being insensitive about anxiety; my panic attacks are the spiky little urchins i keep in my back pocket. i've all but named them, we're so close.

i miss the sunshine, and i wish i could've been more like you. i liked to stand in your rays and soak up as much as i could. my current boyfriend, the man i will likely marry, jokes with me about my physicality; he says i am cold-blooded and must spend so much time in the sun to catch up with everyone else. if only he knew how true that once was.

you are leaving soon to be an actor at an american amusement park in japan, spreading your blond-haired, blue-eyed, forever-july and apple pie personality to the world. you are nervous. you have told me we can't talk anymore, even after i've said we are friends now - all the darkness that came about led to a very close and strange bond. i miss the sunshine, when you didn't think so much, when you left the nocturnal celestial persona to me.

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine...i have had thick-aired summer dusks, full moons, arid winter winds, now a constant crisp fall dawn, but you are my only sunshine.

We were walking to the car after dinner, I was telling a rambly story. Suddenly his arm loops around my waist, he pulled me to face him, and kissed me softly.

My brain shut off for the first time in 21 years.

Shout out to all of those who survived toxic relationships and flourished.


Bolu.

last night you pulled me to your side of the bed and asked me, "so what do you want for our wedding." and all i could say was that i wanted a very small wedding. when i asked you the same question, you replied, "i just want to marry you."


i'm going to fucking cry. but i'm also going to marry you, so it's okay.

You know what? Instead of wallowing in self pity and bitterness, I’m gonna leave the house more. Meet new people. Expand my dating pool. The men in my city ain’t shit.