It’s pretty funny how you downplay yourself and act like you’re nothing special. I could write a book about you and then write a sequel of how you make me feel. Throw in all of the daydreams I’ve had of you and we’ve got ourselves a trilogy.

how is that possible...all those looks, stares, blushing, awkward talks, excitement...all is gone now. I wonder what would have been if we were honest about our feelings

The days when you thought no one could notice you were hurting inside, I did. I saw you were hurting and feeling upset for whatever reason, I knew why you’d get angry with others; you didn’t know how to express yourself. 

You didn’t think anyone was there for you to cry to but I was there waiting for you and I wouldn’t even care if you cried to me, I wouldn’t of told anyone or take the piss because everyone cries, our conversation would’ve been between you and I.

So if you ever feel that way again, know that you can run to me and cry on my shoulder. I’ve got your back...

I’m missing you again.. Who am I kidding? I never stopped. Even in those moments when Im confused or angry. I just miss your soul. I miss your eyes and your smile. I miss the way you light up the room with your presence. I miss our conversations, even our awkward ones.. I miss hearing your laugh.. I miss you.

You meant so much to me.. Somedays, I wish I could just see you. Sometimes I think I never want to see you again, but that’s the pain talking, not my heart.

I keep looking everywhere for your face, I fool myself into thinking we will bump into each other again. All I want to do is see you even if it’s from a distant and we do not talk to each other... I just want to know that you are okay, happy and safe...

Sometimes we had these moments where it was as if it was only us in the room and no one else mattered. Our eyes would sparkle and our teeth would glisten and we were overwhelmed with happiness. 

When you were sad about something I felt the sadness as well, vice versa. You knew that I had your back and I knew you had mine.

But then there would be the days where we were angry with one another, frustration swirling around us like a tornado. I think we just misunderstood each other from time to time and deep down I think we both wanted to say something yet were anxious if we had gotten the whole situation wrong.

What do you think?

I wanted it to be you. The story in my head was messed up in the most perfect way and I really, really wanted it to be you.

I've set myself free, that I am certain of. Still, it baffles me how writing about you gives comfort and the diversion I need at the day's end. No words or figures will suffice to tell the imperfection and greatness of your character and how you changed my perspective from that brief encounter. 

Time and again I plead the universe that wherever you may be... You are safe, you are loved, and that you are happy. 

On this fateful day of October, two years ago, when you lazily turned your head and accidentally met my gaze, I had a realization: the worst thing about you was your eyes. 

You had carefully mastered the art of intimidating every human being by casting them dead stares. You were so good at it that sometimes, when you were feeling detached from this world, you would throw them sharp glares to stop them from bothering you. On days when you were just spacing out, your eyes would be glossy, making you look almost unbreakable. 

In all honesty though, I'd like to say that perhaps, the best thing about you was also your eyes and the way they would shine whenever they landed on anything that piqued your curiosity; or how they would disappear into a thin line whenever you heard something that was too funny for your humor.

I found them endearing each time you were emersed with a conversation and they would just stare so deep they could bore holes to the other's  existence. 

On quiet instances when your only role was to listen, your eyes would turn dark, honest, and accepting. And when you were the most confident version of you, they twinkled so iridescent they could probably outshine the glowing celestial bodies in the night sky

Oddly, I've developed a weird habit that when I stand amidst a huge crowd, my eyes would automatically search for yours... Hoping that in the sea of those strangers, I'd find you again. 

Just like that fateful day of October, two years ago, when you lazily turned your head, accidentally met my gaze, and everything was never the same.

Today you could be standing next to someone who is trying their best to not fall apart. So whatever you do today, do it with kindness in your heart.