we're friends now. best friends. and i wish for nothing more than to go back in time and rip up every letter. i wish i could've told you later. i wish i could've been the person you really wanted. i'm still in love with you. the feelings linger like a migraine that won't leave you alone.
please see me. you talk to me every day, but can you see me? i feel like i'm fading in your vision, turning to monochrome.
i am grey in your world of yellow, but you are yellow in my world of grey.
- still here.
He made me feel so much everything that I felt nothing. He brought the storm so I could wash away the silt, the sand, and the sorrow and start anew.
To the man with ocean eyes and a voice that could calm the most turbulent waves - I thank you. You impacted my life without even trying. Maybe one day I’ll be able to write a masterpiece that can truly reflect the beauty of this crazy thing called life. You inspired far more than art my friend, and for that I am forever grateful. One day years from now I hope we can meet again. Sit down on some crowded train across from one another. Take off our masks and look each other in the eye. Maybe one day I’ll stop running. Maybe one day I’ll stop being afraid and I’ll board that train. I‘ll learn that something, or some place, or someone that makes me truly feel everything is one of the most valuable things in the world.
One day I’ll stop being afraid. I’ll be in the right state of mind. I’ll board that train and sit across from you. I’ll look you in the eye and we’ll talk as if we’ve known each other forever. Maybe one day I’ll board that train. Because maybe I’m wrong, but maybe in my soul I know that the train you’re on is the only train I want to board.
You asked me to help you brew a cup of coffee for our director. Neither of us are coffee people, apparently, because we didn’t know our way around the machine.
We didn't talk much- just casual questions. I wish I could’ve said more- I thought of several things I would’ve liked to ask you after I left, but was so close to you that I couldn’t think straight. Good thing it was dark- I was probably blushing pretty hard.
And then i wished you luck. You thanked me for my help (though in all honesty I didn’t do too much- you were smart enough to figure it out yourself.)
I hope to see you Friday. I hope I can make it. I hope everything goes well.
I hope I’m not misreading this. I hope this tiny suspicion that you might return my feelings is t mistaken.
Though we didn’t talk much, the small quiet moment with you was worth it.
Holding onto you is like holding onto water.
No matter how much care I take, it falls.
And even the small pool that I’ve carefully cupped in my hands..
I’ll miss you.
What am I missing? What part of me can't you stand? Tell me. I'll get rid of it for you. Please, just don't forget about me.
Please don't give up on me. On us.
It hurts me that I probably won't see you anymore, last time I didn't see you for a few months it was heart wrenching.